Good to hear from you and very glad that you have found this charity’s forum.
Firstly can I persuade you to ditch these feelings of guilt. Something happened to you when you were young which attached anxiety to peeing and/or public toilets, and it has resulted in this specific social anxiety. As such you are in effect a victim of that circumstance, not the perpetrator. So to feel guilty is as illogical as feeling guilty about being the height you are.
As for your sons: I have a daughter and a son, both in their late thirties. I never used a public toilet with my son. When he was in his late teens, I had to tell him about my shy bladder and explained that was why we had never peed together. He said he had never noticed: that is because peeing to most people is so unremarkable that it does not register.
So long as your sons are managing public peeing at school, which is usually a safe environment, they will not have a problem. Hopefully being three brothers, they are used to sharing the family bathroom and so have got a good foundation to build on.
Now for not telling your wife. It is difficult to tell someone; I broke down when I told my fiancée many years ago. She was very supportive and eventually forgot all about it! Telling those who need to know AND whom you trust is vital, as it removes the hold that the condition has over you. On our website here:
we have a simple step-by-step script that leads the listener along a path they can understand. It has been used successfully by many others. If you feel you cannot say it to your wife, then give it to her to read. She will be supportive: she may even be upset to realise you have been struggling all this time without giving her the chance to support you!
So now I encourage you to read what is on our website, and on our forum (which we call the Discussion Board) both being accessible via ukpt.org.uk. On the forum, search for threads containing the word feedback; there you will read about the experiences of participants on our weekend long workshops where we use a professionally designed CBT approach with much success.
You can continue to post here; or feel free to email me at the support address above. The bottom line is that you can get over this with the help of the UKPT, as so many others have. You have taken the first difficult step by posting here; from now things can only get better.
Chair of UKPT trustees
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