I'm sincerely sorry and sympathetic to hear your post-op and consultant problems.
I've put a lot of time and thought into posting a response to you and it may help you to know that i'm a well endowed man but i suffer from paruresis too, so you see, size isn't everything and it may not of helped you had your op gone well.
Before attending the workshop i tried https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposure_therapy for approx 2 years but it didn't work until after i had been to the UKPT workshop and learnt more about paruresis and how to deal with it.
I would check out the https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk that Andrew has linked for you and continue to follow the UKPT workshop as it does pay off if you give it time and dedication.
Click on this link to see a penis gallery http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/galleries/penis-gallery/
and there may be other penis galleries on the internet if you google. Focus on the small penis's in the gallery instead of the bigger one's to shift the focus in your mind that the majority of men are big when in fact they are not.
I would recommend trying exposure therapy and here is a pattern similar to the one i have used.
Got to a swimming pool during "Adult swim" and draw up a desensitisation hierarchie similar to the sample one's in the ukpt workshop, for e.g...
If adult swim is 8.30-10pm, arrive at changing rooms for 8.30pm. The changing rooms are likely to be quieter which means you can choose where to change. Change in a corner and face the corner itself to gain maximum privacy. After swim, have a shower but leave swimshorts on. After shower, return to locker, dry and dress yourself facing the corner again.
Repeat process every visit til you feel comfortable to move up a level of challenge.
Next step. Go to changing rooms at the same time to get a corner spot but this time don't face the corner, face the wall/locker ahead. After swim, repeat the process you did on step one for showering and drying/dressing only this time face the wall/locker ahead instead of the corner. Once again, repeat the process before moving up a hierarchie.
Next step, repeat the previous changing room time and pre-swim process. After swim, have a shower but this time use end/corner shower and wash the top half of yourself with swimshorts on. Then, face the corner, remove shorts and wash the waist down. Once finished, wrap towel around waist if it's at hand or leave shower holding shorts in front of your genitals til you can cover yourself up with your towel. Repeat the previous step's drying/dressing process.
Next step. Repeat changing room time and process but remove swimshorts once you are in the shower and face the wall ahead of you (as you do when changing) to wash yourself. Repeat the previous step's drying/dressing process.
Next step. Repeat pre-shower routine and then shower but this time was yourself with your back towards the wall. Once showered, repeat the previous step's post-shower process.
Next step. Repeat all of the last step's but this time face away from the wall/locker to dry and get dressed.
Final steps. Go on different days/times, use different parts of the bench to change, and use different showers.
During the whole of this process you may gradually desense from being in public changing rooms and showers. Sometimes you will unavoidably come into the line of sight of other me's genitals and notice that no-one is laughing at or teasing them if they are small which means men are unlikely to laugh at you either. Men may not laugh at you for the following reasons...
* they are or perceive themselves to be small
* they won't want you to know they have seen your penis in case you think they are gay
* they won't want you to know they have seen your penis in case you think they are a pervert
* they are sympathetic you are small and are not amused
* they just don't think anything of it
* they know we are all different sizes
* they know you can't help being small
* they have grown out of laughing/teasing small men
* they are mature so feel no need to laugh
If you can desense in public changing rooms you will become more relaxed about being seen because you will become less conscientious over time. As with public toilets, remember the workshop says people are paying attention to themselves, they have more interesting things on their minds such as worries, work etc.
Wishing you a happier future
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