I am 47 years old and been unable to pee in public for my entire adult life and have just found out today that there is actually a name for it "paruresis".
I think my problem started when I was young. A couple of instances spring to mind but I think the main one is when I associated using the urinal at school with violence. Having a pee one day, a couple of much older kids came in and started to push me into the wall while I was peeing and I then started to use a cubilcle after that. This was made worse when while in a cubicle one day another older kid kicked the door open which hit my head and caused me to go dizzy while a gang stood round laughing at me.
I can now only pee in public in cubicles when the toilets are empty or very noisy like in a motorway services where lots of people are using hand dryers.
I cant even pee within hearing distance of my wife "who doesnt know I have a problem". At bed time I have to wait until she has got in bed and turned the bedroom TV on before I can pee in the bathroom and if I need to pee in the night I hold it til morning.
I now have a job interview coming up with a government agency and will be expected to give a sample. I know this will be imposible but I desperately need a job. How can I deal with this situation. I only have one week to prepare. What should I do.
It has been described on other web sites as being a fear of not being able to pee rather than a fear of peeing and I agree with this. I think it has spilled into other areas of my life such as difficulty signing my name when being watched, not being able to spell simple words when asked or do simple arithmatic like adding 2 double figures together. I have also avoided foreign travel for fear of not being able to pee on the plane which I now think as progressed into an actual fear of flying. I have even resorted to carrying a bottle in my car to pee into. If I find myself in a situation where I am desperste to go but cant find a toilet I am comfortable in then I get in my car and drive somewhwere secluded to pee in a bottle. How ridiculous.
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