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club

Posted by AChccf on 3/28/2006, 9:43 am, in reply to "in the name of those who watch over us from the heavenlies"
80.183.208.162

could have never imagined although crouching beaten up dog looking back...always felt smthng but not wanting to imagine sick faint with pain and disgust in a state of disbielief & denial if not collapsed only 'cause trying to cancel all past all wounds of the soul mind body no words deep pain frustration helpessness tight embrace don't want to bring past back lots of love now and forever
--Previous Message--
: and don't want to see us in pain The
: true story of
: Jenny.
:
: Hi! I read your story with great
: sadness and also
: great understanding. Why
: understanding? Because -
: beleive it although it's a girl
: talking - I know
: exactly how it feels (I have great
: compassion so for
: both of you). I know exactly how it
: feels when that
: tension builds up like a black out
: in your brain and
: body - fire in the womb you can call
: it for us -and
: then how those evil spirits spread
: around and turn you
: into what you are naturally not
: preying on your
: fragile wounded soul. I know how
: when trying to free
: yourself using your own strenght you
: explode. I saw it
: happening in my loving caring
: extremely sensitive dad
: frustrated - first baby - when
: partly picking out the
: tension partly because of the bad
: seeds in my own self
: - I had my fits of tears etc from a
: very early age
: till more and more rarely later on
: in life too. Out of
: frustration. Out of confusion. Out
: of panic. Out of my
: non rootedness in Christ peace and
: guidance. Once
: during one of his moments slammed a
: window closed and
: unintentionally broke it. I
: intentionally - but as my
: mom lovingly pointed out to me later
: on always picking
: unbreakable or things that were not
: dear to me -
: threw things on the floor. Only
: exception a family
: ancient glass ash tray that I picked
: whilst chasing my
: brother around the sitting
: room...and once - mark
: still on that kitchen table I hit it
: with a knife -
: 12? Would have never ever hurt
: anyone intentionally
: I'll assure you. But loud crying and
: sulking and
: angrily sucking my thumb till I
: suppose the age of
: seven or eight. Even worse later on
: I picked my punch
: balls people I didn't like 'cause
: somehow they had
: hurt me and said all sort of nasty
: things. Awful. I do
: repent and am still ashamed now at
: the thought
: although I confessed it. Do you want
: more recent
: examples? Not often - very very
: rarely you'll be
: plaesed to hear - I feel so panicky
: and down that I
: sit on the floor where nobody can
: see me and cry and
: cry... When truly in panic I have
: even - only twice -
: slighly bitten my hands. Don't
: worry.It's all gone and
: past I find refuge and comfort in
: prayer.
:
: I do repent but now part of me is
: also grateful as in
: this way I feel I can try to help
: you.
:
: When you feel those moments come,
: first of all always
: remember that your mother's meek
: strenght and
: resilience has won many battles over
: your father's
: brittle rigid false sense of
: security.
:
: Then clench your fists as tight as
: you can - hold your
: breath open up and relax your
: shoulders letting your
: chest expand ---keep your muscles as
: supple as you
: can...feel my hands holding your
: fists tightly - am a
: strong gal!- and pray hard or run
: these words through
: your mind (Ex.14:10-31).Feel my
: hands squeezing out
: all the pain and anger out of your
: wounded soul. When
: WE feel that all has come to the
: surface as you gently
: breathe out I will gently release
: your hands (Ex
: 15:1-8). Slowly slowly feel your
: fingers gradually
: relax opening out...As you breathe
: out feel the
: muscles around your mouth relax into
: a smile - think
: of your beloved ones...I will gently
: accompany your
: arms relaxing down along your body.
: And now? If you
: feel like just let tears flow
: silently and copiously
: for as long as you need and... may I
: now hold you in a
: tight friendly embrace? Thank you...
:
: Now that you are serene let's get
: down to what I feel
: could be the root of the problem.
: Have you really
: forgiven him? Maybe still deeply
: wounded for yourself
: -- so small and vulnerable --and for
: what you saw your
: mom going through - you must have
: been so mature for
: that age for her to rely so much on
: you as the man in
: the house -- - plus having been
: affected I feel with
: the WRONG conviction that you were
: too similar to him
: to be a good husband and father
: which very likely
: made you shun away from other people
: on the top of
: your blocked potentially outgoing
: but locked in itself
: for protection angry self. And for
: how long have you
: thought this adding with the passing
: of time the blame
: for missed out opportunities for a
: most needed warm
: healthy family life and a self that
: had troubles
: opening up and interact with others
: - servicable but
: how against your sensitive nature
: seemingly cold for fear of
: exposing your vulnerability? The
: ending of the story
: --thanks be to God-- is a happy one.
: Now with the
: serenity and 'distance' of your
: healed manhood why
: don't you open a new chapter -
: imaginary if you have
: no means of contacting him for real
: -:"Stretching out
: a hand of forgiveness and help
: snatching him away from
: the evil spirits ensnared in which
: he is the first
: victim?" aggressiveness coming
: from panicky fear. I
: feel this way you would both heal
: your relationship
: with the Lord (feeling guilty for
: not forgiving those
: who wronged us - ever so hard to d
: sometimes when we
: defend people we love) and with
: yourself. You'd stop
: hating that side of yourself which
: actually is not
: yourself or even your father maybe
: but a tumour of the
: soul that can affect anyone. The
: earlier it's tackled
: the more hopes there are of being
: healed. Both
: feelings are fuel for your fits of
: understandably but
: unfairly self-rising self hatred.
:
: As you go out in your battles, trust
: that you are
: constantly in my prayers ---and of
: all the ones who
: love you and are watching over you
: either from the
: heavenlies or from the windows of
: their hearts. Don't feel frustrated
: as you fight on - it will gradually
: get better and better - rejoyce and
: gain strenght from each step ahead
: taken hoever small and seemingly
: insignificant.
: God bless and a hearty AMEN
:
:

Message Thread:

in the name of those who watch over us from the heavenlies - Jenny 3/28/2006, 4:29 am
- club - AChccf 3/28/2006, 9:43 am
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--Previous Message-- : could have never imagined although : crouching beaten up dog looking : back...always felt smthng but not : wanting to imagine sick faint with : pain and disgust in a state of : disbielief & denial if not : collapsed only 'cause trying to : cancel all past all wounds of the : soul mind body no words deep pain : frustration helpessness tight : embrace don't want to bring past : back lots of love now and forever : --Previous Message-- : and don't want to see us in pain The : true story of : Jenny. : : Hi! I read your story with great : sadness and also : great understanding. Why : understanding? Because - : beleive it although it's a girl : talking - I know : exactly how it feels (I have great : compassion so for : both of you). I know exactly how it : feels when that : tension builds up like a black out : in your brain and : body - fire in the womb you can call : it for us -and : then how those evil spirits spread : around and turn you : into what you are naturally not : preying on your : fragile wounded soul. I know how : when trying to free : yourself using your own strenght you : explode. I saw it : happening in my loving caring : extremely sensitive dad : frustrated - first baby - when : partly picking out the : tension partly because of the bad : seeds in my own self : - I had my fits of tears etc from a : very early age : till more and more rarely later on : in life too. Out of : frustration. Out of confusion. Out : of panic. Out of my : non rootedness in Christ peace and : guidance. Once : during one of his moments slammed a : window closed and : unintentionally broke it. I : intentionally - but as my : mom lovingly pointed out to me later : on always picking : unbreakable or things that were not : dear to me - : threw things on the floor. Only : exception a family : ancient glass ash tray that I picked : whilst chasing my : brother around the sitting : room...and once - mark : still on that kitchen table I hit it : with a knife - : 12? Would have never ever hurt : anyone intentionally : I'll assure you. But loud crying and : sulking and : angrily sucking my thumb till I : suppose the age of : seven or eight. Even worse later on : I picked my punch : balls people I didn't like 'cause : somehow they had : hurt me and said all sort of nasty : things. Awful. I do : repent and am still ashamed now at : the thought : although I confessed it. Do you want : more recent : examples? Not often - very very : rarely you'll be : plaesed to hear - I feel so panicky : and down that I : sit on the floor where nobody can : see me and cry and : cry... When truly in panic I have : even - only twice - : slighly bitten my hands. Don't : worry.It's all gone and : past I find refuge and comfort in : prayer. : : I do repent but now part of me is : also grateful as in : this way I feel I can try to help : you. : : When you feel those moments come, : first of all always : remember that your mother's meek : strenght and : resilience has won many battles over : your father's : brittle rigid false sense of : security. : : Then clench your fists as tight as : you can - hold your : breath open up and relax your : shoulders letting your : chest expand ---keep your muscles as : supple as you : can...feel my hands holding your : fists tightly - am a : strong gal!- and pray hard or run : these words through : your mind (Ex.14:10-31).Feel my : hands squeezing out : all the pain and anger out of your : wounded soul. When : WE feel that all has come to the : surface as you gently : breathe out I will gently release : your hands (Ex : 15:1-8). Slowly slowly feel your : fingers gradually : relax opening out...As you breathe : out feel the : muscles around your mouth relax into : a smile - think : of your beloved ones...I will gently : accompany your : arms relaxing down along your body. : And now? If you : feel like just let tears flow : silently and copiously : for as long as you need and... may I : now hold you in a : tight friendly embrace? Thank you... : : Now that you are serene let's get : down to what I feel : could be the root of the problem. : Have you really : forgiven him? Maybe still deeply : wounded for yourself : -- so small and vulnerable --and for : what you saw your : mom going through - you must have : been so mature for : that age for her to rely so much on : you as the man in : the house -- - plus having been : affected I feel with : the WRONG conviction that you were : too similar to him : to be a good husband and father : which very likely : made you shun away from other people : on the top of : your blocked potentially outgoing : but locked in itself : for protection angry self. And for : how long have you : thought this adding with the passing : of time the blame : for missed out opportunities for a : most needed warm : healthy family life and a self that : had troubles : opening up and interact with others : - servicable but : how against your sensitive nature : seemingly cold for fear of : exposing your vulnerability? The : ending of the story : --thanks be to God-- is a happy one. : Now with the : serenity and 'distance' of your : healed manhood why : don't you open a new chapter - : imaginary if you have : no means of contacting him for real : -:"Stretching out : a hand of forgiveness and help : snatching him away from : the evil spirits ensnared in which : he is the first : victim?" aggressiveness coming : from panicky fear. I : feel this way you would both heal : your relationship : with the Lord (feeling guilty for : not forgiving those : who wronged us - ever so hard to d : sometimes when we : defend people we love) and with : yourself. You'd stop : hating that side of yourself which : actually is not : yourself or even your father maybe : but a tumour of the : soul that can affect anyone. The : earlier it's tackled : the more hopes there are of being : healed. Both : feelings are fuel for your fits of : understandably but : unfairly self-rising self hatred. : : As you go out in your battles, trust : that you are : constantly in my prayers ---and of : all the ones who : love you and are watching over you : either from the : heavenlies or from the windows of : their hearts. Don't feel frustrated : as you fight on - it will gradually : get better and better - rejoyce and : gain strenght from each step ahead : taken hoever small and seemingly : insignificant. : God bless and a hearty AMEN : : : :

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