[ Post a Response | Mystical Rose Message Board ]
The banner ad is placed here by Boardhost.com, the host of this free message board.
The Mystical Rose Catholic Page has no control over which ad banners appear on this page.
Posted by Jenny I do repent but now part of me is also grateful as in When you feel those moments come, first of all always Then clench your fists as tight as you can - hold your Now that you are serene let's get down to what I feel As you go out in your battles, trust that you are
on 3/28/2006, 4:29 am
80.183.208.162
and don't want to see us in pain The true story of
Jenny.
Hi! I read your story with great sadness and also
great understanding. Why understanding? Because -
beleive it although it's a girl talking - I know
exactly how it feels (I have great compassion so for
both of you). I know exactly how it feels when that
tension builds up like a black out in your brain and
body - fire in the womb you can call it for us -and
then how those evil spirits spread around and turn you
into what you are naturally not preying on your
fragile wounded soul. I know how when trying to free
yourself using your own strenght you explode. I saw it
happening in my loving caring extremely sensitive dad
frustrated - first baby - when partly picking out the
tension partly because of the bad seeds in my own self
- I had my fits of tears etc from a very early age
till more and more rarely later on in life too. Out of
frustration. Out of confusion. Out of panic. Out of my
non rootedness in Christ peace and guidance. Once
during one of his moments slammed a window closed and
unintentionally broke it. I intentionally - but as my
mom lovingly pointed out to me later on always picking
unbreakable or things that were not dear to me -
threw things on the floor. Only exception a family
ancient glass ash tray that I picked whilst chasing my
brother around the sitting room...and once - mark
still on that kitchen table I hit it with a knife -
12? Would have never ever hurt anyone intentionally
I'll assure you. But loud crying and sulking and
angrily sucking my thumb till I suppose the age of
seven or eight. Even worse later on I picked my punch
balls people I didn't like 'cause somehow they had
hurt me and said all sort of nasty things. Awful. I do
repent and am still ashamed now at the thought
although I confessed it. Do you want more recent
examples? Not often - very very rarely you'll be
plaesed to hear - I feel so panicky and down that I
sit on the floor where nobody can see me and cry and
cry... When truly in panic I have even - only twice -
slighly bitten my hands. Don't worry.It's all gone and
past I find refuge and comfort in prayer.
this way I feel I can try to help you.
remember that your mother's meek strenght and
resilience has won many battles over your father's
brittle rigid false sense of security.
breath open up and relax your shoulders letting your
chest expand ---keep your muscles as supple as you
can...feel my hands holding your fists tightly - am a
strong gal!- and pray hard or run these words through
your mind (Ex.14:10-31).Feel my hands squeezing out
all the pain and anger out of your wounded soul. When
WE feel that all has come to the surface as you gently
breathe out I will gently release your hands (Ex
15:1-8). Slowly slowly feel your fingers gradually
relax opening out...As you breathe out feel the
muscles around your mouth relax into a smile - think
of your beloved ones...I will gently accompany your
arms relaxing down along your body. And now? If you
feel like just let tears flow silently and copiously
for as long as you need and... may I now hold you in a
tight friendly embrace? Thank you...
could be the root of the problem. Have you really
forgiven him? Maybe still deeply wounded for yourself
-- so small and vulnerable --and for what you saw your
mom going through - you must have been so mature for
that age for her to rely so much on you as the man in
the house -- - plus having been affected I feel with
the WRONG conviction that you were too similar to him
to be a good husband and father which very likely
made you shun away from other people on the top of
your blocked potentially outgoing but locked in itself
for protection angry self. And for how long have you
thought this adding with the passing of time the blame
for missed out opportunities for a most needed warm
healthy family life and a self that had troubles
opening up and interact with others - servicable but
how against your sensitive nature seemingly cold for fear of
exposing your vulnerability? The ending of the story
--thanks be to God-- is a happy one. Now with the
serenity and 'distance' of your healed manhood why
don't you open a new chapter - imaginary if you have
no means of contacting him for real -:"Stretching out
a hand of forgiveness and help snatching him away from
the evil spirits ensnared in which he is the first
victim?" aggressiveness coming from panicky fear. I
feel this way you would both heal your relationship
with the Lord (feeling guilty for not forgiving those
who wronged us - ever so hard to d sometimes when we
defend people we love) and with yourself. You'd stop
hating that side of yourself which actually is not
yourself or even your father maybe but a tumour of the
soul that can affect anyone. The earlier it's tackled
the more hopes there are of being healed. Both
feelings are fuel for your fits of understandably but
unfairly self-rising self hatred.
constantly in my prayers ---and of all the ones who
love you and are watching over you either from the
heavenlies or from the windows of their hearts. Don't feel frustrated as you fight on - it will gradually get better and better - rejoyce and gain strenght from each step ahead taken hoever small and seemingly insignificant.
God bless and a hearty AMEN
Message Thread:
« Back to thread
The opinions expressed on this board are those of the individuals who post them.
They do not necessarily represent the beliefs of the Mystical Rose Catholic Page, its
webmaster, or the official teaching of the Holy Catholic Church!