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Posted by The Drunk Guy At The Bar on 10/10/2005, 4:21 pm
151.204.179.26
i was already on the train, on my way to new brunswick to see Kieth Beck and Stone Soup play, when i realized that i only had four dollars on me. a whole night potentially wasted because i didn't have the brains to stick my last thirty bucks in my pocket before i left. i don't use a mac card. never have. the government's got enough ways to big brother my ass, why give it another one? fortunately the cover was only three dollars so i could at least get in and from there it was a matter of waiting for the one friend i know who might actually have a shitload of cash on him. when he got there i immediately pulled him aside. "man, i'm in a tight spot..." and so on. "no problem" he responds without a second thought, opening his wallet like an old italian uncle "how much you need?" i take two twenties and mumble an embarressed "thanks, man" and we head to the bar where, over the next three hours, i proceed to spend all forty of that borrowed loot on beer, wine, and shots of whatever for all and sundry. throughout the evening i delight in telling anyone who would listen the tale of my forgotten cash and how my friend bailed me out and he keeps asking me "why do you keep telling everyone? why don't you keep it quiet?" but i can't, and he knows i can't, so we ask the beautiful but taciturn valkyrie tending bar for two more beers and we bang our bottles together and toast the people we are lucky enough to be in the company of and we listen to kieth scream and bill hit hard and stone soup play loud and it's good. i see people that i haven't seen in months or years - years - and as the night goes on i begin to get this depressing inescapable feeling that i'm experiencing the end of something, like the next day we're all getting shipped off to war, like i'll never see these people again. and i start drinking more and dancing more and yelling more because i can't shake the idea that this. will. be. it. i start touching people more - throwing my arms around their shoulders, hugging them, shaking their hands again and again - in some hope that they'll understand and after a little while i notice that they're hugging back just as tightly. maybe they feel it too. i keep asking myself "is this the last time i'll hear these guys? is this the last time i'll talk to him? is this the last embrace with this person that i love?" i don't know. maybe i was imagining it, but whatever it was, it added an importance to the night, a weight that might not have been there otherwise. at the end of the night my friend and i emptied our pockets and there was three dollars and seventy-five cents between us. "you got your ticket back home?" my friend asks and i nod yes and we walk some other friends back to their car. we all drive back to the entrance of the train station and i say good-bye to everyone and the feeling of finality is wrapped around my chest, slowly squeezing the air out of me. i climb the stairs and i wait on the platform for the last train of the night. i think about the people who i hadn't seen in years and who i might not see again. i drop down onto a bench, too tired to stand anymore and stare down the tracks, searching for signs of the coming train.
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