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Posted by MOSES on 2/5/2004, 6:05 pm LAST WEEK: A last second winning field goal and PLENTY of halftime EXPOSURE! ( ring
..ring
..Janet Jackson??? Janet Jackson??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) Aloha, my NFL friends! This week, the NFL season comes to a ceremonious end in Hawaii, the land of sun bathing. Watching this game will be a real treat to see for those of us who are waist deep in week old snow and have enough ice on our driveways to open our own skating rinks! ( ring
..ring
..Tonya Harding??? Tonya Harding??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) Of course, Hawaii is also known for surfing. But personally, I am more a Parting of the Sea kind of guy as opposed to a Riding a Wave on the Sea kind of guy. But, to each his own
( ring
..ring
..Charlton Heston??? Charlton Heston ??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) BUT
.. Between the sun bathing, the surfing, and the NUMEROUS personal appearances and self-promoting TV shots, there WILL be an actual game played this week between the best the NFL has to offer. The field will be BUSTING WITH TALENT!!! ( ring
..ring
..Janet Jackson??? Janet Jackson??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) I strongly believe that the Pro Bowl BELONGS IN HAWAII! In fact, I have THREE GOOD REASONS
So, here from our office in HONOLULU, HAWAII comes
.. (drum roll)
. THE TOP THREE REASONS WHY THE PRO BOWL SHOULD STAY IN HAWAII 3. IF YOU THINK THE PLAYER DROP OUT RATE FOR THIS GAME IS BIG NOW, WAIT UNTIL THE PLAYERS ARE REWARDED WITH A TRIP
..TO PHOENIX? The AFC comes into this game not only with the SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS on their side, but a lot of offensive firepower featuring TWO 4,000 yard quarterbacks (Manning and Green), and the ONLY 2,000 yard running back (Lewis). Then, there are guys on the bench like PREIST HOLMES and CLINTON PORTIS. Defensively, they bring perhaps the best defender OF ALL TIME (but NOT the best dancer) in Ray Lewis. Unfortunately for the AFC, their special teams are in the hands of some liquored up kicker from Canada
named Vanderjagt. I wonder if he flew to Hawaii with Manning? I can hear him now: No, really Peyton. Just tell the stewardess that YOU want the complimentary drink and when she isnt looking just slip it onto MY tray
( ring
..ring
..Alcoholics Anonymous??? Alcoholics Anonymous??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) The NFC comes into the game with a fair amount of firepower as well. The NFC has the top three receivers in the NFL in yardage (Holt, Moss, Boldin), but Randy did not make the trip. I guess his hair and/or ego would not fit into a plane. He has a LOT of BAGGAGE, you know. ( ring
..ring
..Samsonite??? Samsonite??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) Of course, the REAL story of the NFC team is all of those SEAHAWKS!!! Five players! This group marks the most players Seattle has sent to the Pro Bowl since sending five in 1986 and 1987. Think about it. Most Pro Bowlers from Seattle since Ronald Reagan was president, Michael Jackson buys the bones of the Elephant Man, The Men and a Baby was the top grossing film of the year, and a little fourth Network named Fox launched a new primetime cartoon
( ring
..ring
..Bart Simpson??? Bart Simpson??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) You know, looking back in the year there were sure from unforgettable moments: In the AFC, Vermeil showed us he REALLY has a three year plan, Cincinnati showed us they really CAN play decent football, and New England fans showed us all how to have fun in the snow! In the NFC, changing of the guard was the theme as four teams that were the laughing stock of the NFL were fitted with Cinderella slippers, McNabb showed us that he is NOT overrated, and Favre showed us all that this is after all, just a game. But there were some FORGETTABLE moments as well: Two Johnsons (Kevin and Keyshawn) made the mistake putting an I in their teams and were cut, Spurrier made the mistake of thinking he was ready for the NFL and quit, and a certain referee crew made the mistake of not starting a certain clock that cost a CERTAIN team a game. ( ring
..ring
.. Mike Pereira??? Mike Pereira??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) Those of you who read this little tirade each week are well aware that I love to poke sport at anything and everything. So this week, I have decided to take sport of
MYSELF! After looking at my MOSES PREDICTS THE 2003 NFL SEASON installment from August, I was quite surprised to find that I hit NINE TEAM RECORDS ON THE BUTTON (NYJ, IND, HOU, DEN, GB, MINN, DET, NO, and SEATTLE), and I was only one game off record-wise on four others (MIA, JAX, CHI, and CIN). BUT
.. Other predictions were, well, lets just say LESS THAN stellar. And many of the witty comments I made about these teams didnt quite pan out as I thought they might
So, here from MY WASTE PAPER BASKET comes
.. (drum roll)
. THE TOP THREE WORST PREDICTIONS AND/OR COMMENTS PREDICTED BY MOSES FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR 3. CINCINNATI: Kitna will not be the answer. So, my abilities as an oracle of the NFL is not quite the stuff of legends
( ring
..ring
..Jimmy the Greek??? Jimmy the Greek??? Please pick up the white courtesy phone
.) THERE ISNT A QUIT IN ME YET EITHER!!!!!! THREE PLAYERS TO WATCH FOR THE AFC: 1. DONTE HALL: Inexperienced cover teams vs. this guy equals BIG PLAY POTENTIAL! FIVE PLAYERS TO WATCH FOR THE NFC: 1-5. ALEX BANNISTER, WALTER JONES, MATT HASSELBECK, STEVE HUTCHINSON, SHAUN ALEXANDER: Is there really any OTHER REASON to watch this game? MOSES PREDICTS (like it really matters
) : AFC 28 SO LET IT BE WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE!!!!! MOSES
HAIL TO THEE, O SEAHAWK FANS!!!!! IT IS I, MOSES, HERE TO PREDICT THE PRO BOWL !!!!!!
2. EVERY PRO BOWL PLAYER DESERVES TO GET LEI-ED!
1. THE MADDEN CRUISER CANT TRAVEL ACROSS THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
2. KANSAS CITY (8-8): You cant win every game 45-42.
1. DALLAS (6-10): Parcells may just leave town altogether before the season is over!
BUT
..
WAIT TIL NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!
2. JAMAL LEWIS: If you think you had a good line in Baltimore, look in front of you NOW!
3. MARVIN HARRISON: A real treat to watch play in ANY game.
SO, CAN uh
.. EITHER TEAM DO IT?????
NFC 20
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