Posted by Nadine on October 23, 2008, 2:07 am
72.130.201.166
it's been almost four years now since my breast cancer and I am still going through reconstruction. I use to be 115lbs and very active I was 38 when I found out I had breast cancer. now I am 42 and I feel like I am in my sixties. I gained weight, I have no breasts yet. well nothing that looks normal. I have residual affects from the chemo. it triggered fibromyalgia, I have gone back to work. but I am exhausted all the time. My kids tease me about how I walk now. they say I walk like an old lady. at one point after the treatment I couldn't even stand without immense pain. I miss my old body and my old self. Is it wrong to want to be the way I was. I have had co workers tell me I should just be grateful to be alive and cancer free. true. I am very grateful. but I want more. I feel as if these implants are like alien ships that landed on my chest. I have to have more surgery. because these things arn't working out. I wish people would understand how hard this has been. am I being too vain to want something that looks like a normal breast. sometimes I get tired of fighting for this. but I don't want to give up yet. I don't even let my husband see me naked anymore. I have gained so much weight. on the plus side of that. it will make getting the micro vascular trans flap done easier. I have more of me to go around.HEHEHE> I have to joke or i'll cry. all I do now is go to work and come home. I can't even find a bathing suit to wear that hides my top half. or one with built in fake boobs. I hate this new body of mine. I guess I am just having a pitty party right now. so I'm sorry. I"ll get over it eventually I guess. I just needed to get this out and I don't have anyone to talk with about it. thanks for having this site and letting me share.
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