Posted by Hope on October 19, 2008, 11:14 pm, in reply to "Re: Wow, the unexpected is always so hard. :("
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rarely do things unless they want to do them. I think she wanted far more to spend quality time with you than time with chemo. I can see you feel guilt about this but that wasn't her intention and frankly, if I was offered the same, I'd do exactly what she did and wouldn't want my daughter to feel the least bit guilty for my choices. I raised her to think for herself so surely she knew that I would also think for myself, jes as your mama thought you knew that she was thinkin' for herself and didn't probably feel it was important for you to know what her decision was except in how it related to both of you spending more quality time together.
That's my guess, being a mom and bc survivor so far.
Did the doc do you right? Cuz if they gonna ask you ridiculous questions, it's time to see a real professional about this sort of thing (psychiatrist) who works with brains in grief and who won't waste your time with unnecessary questions except as relates to your symptoms. I find some internists, etc, try to pretend they know a lot about the mind but the truth is, they did some six week thing with psych patients during their residency and that's the extent of their knowledge. They're far less educated about what all the antidepressants do that they apparently hand out like candy these days with no clue what might be good for a patient. One drug does not fit all and it's important to know the symptoms and history of the patient along with family history if possible, before making a decision about what sort of psychotropic you need. Asking you how you feel is jes one small thing to do when assessing a patient's state of mind. Again, please consult a doc who specializes in the mind and spare yourself the headache of well-meaning but uneducated docs who might make you feel bad when they decide to give you their personal feelings on the matter or try to 'shrink' you in the office.
And if you wanna talk about grief, fo sho I'd recommend a grief counselor, not necessarily the family doc unless it's to fill in some more family medical history. They hardly have the time with their patients these days is the feeling I get anymore. I'd much rather talk to someone who knows what counseling actually means. Didn't sound like you got much help at that office. 
That's not what you need right now. You're dealing with serious emotional issues. Grief is absolutely nothin' to sneeze at or to downplay with a patient. This is the kinda thing that makes me see red.
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