Posted by Skitz on February 1, 2004, 2:27 pm Oh, I'm journalling a lot lately... my therapist is overjoyed. ^_^;;;
OK, the sh*t is hitting the fan.
My parents are really bothering me lately. Especially my mom. She yells at me for things that shouldn't get yelled at. For instance, I asked her if we could go to the library later on in the day when there was time. She was in her room, just sitting around, and when I asked she blew up and yelled at me. I've been trying to be a good kid for her, I really have. I say things softly and respectfully and I do things for her without being asked to. It bothers me that she doesn't seem to care. Then my dad doesn't talk to me anymore. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm in the gothic/punk crowd. I just entered highschool and I fell right into that group. Don't know what it was, but I associate with people like that and they seem to like me too. I have friends for a change and my dad thinks I'm an idiot. He gave me a big lecture when I asked if he could help me buy a pair of boots on the internet. It ended up in a big arguement and we've stopped speaking to each other.
Next in line; my last boyfriend. Ok, I know that's the oldest one in the book but this guy really meant something. I've had one really true boyfriend (who ended up cheating on me with his ex who was also my friend) who was the love of my younger life. Then I had one or two short ones, which is strange for me (I normally have longterm relationships, I'm picky). Then came this awesome guy. We had a lot in common and enough not in common to be individuals. My best friend even said he was perfect; and she's more picky than I am. He was also my first kiss and that meant a lot. I see him everyday at school and it kills me. We even have a ritual durring lunch where he walks up to me, ruffles my hair and says hi. I love the attention and yet I hate it. It hursts and I really miss him alot. I would give anything to have him back.
And last but definitely not least; My second-friend, who is gay, told me she has a crush on me. I didn't like her to begin with because she's like a leach. To me at least. She acted just like me in the past and did everything I did. She'd say something and I'd say something different and she'd change her statement to mine. It bothered the heck out of me and I finally had to break the friendship when she said something really mean about my best friend. Well, she never left. She continued to botehr me and unfortunately I had/have a lot of classes with her. And this year she announced that she's homosexual. This doesn't bother me at all, I have a lot of friends that are bi or gay. It doesn't matter. But I am straight ("as an arrow" quote one of those friends) and this girl told me I have "a nice ass"--Dead serious, she said those exact words--so it bothered me a bit. Then a week later she said she has a crush on me and word spread quickly. So now there are rumors about me and her, rumors of me being a little "cruved" in my sexuality, etc. I've been avoiding her as much as possible and giving her the cold shoulder (I have to cuz this girl can't take a hint for her life) and she seems to have backed off a bit. I'm still a bit tweeked by the whole thing.
So my life is a rollercoster right now and I'm ready to curl up and die. Got any advice?
~S
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