Posted by SarahQ/Adm. on August 9, 2005, 4:24 am I’d never have dreamed that you could get in such serious trouble for something I grew up—obviously in another time far, far away—thinking of as a petty offense barely worthy of a stiff fine. I have been researching on Internet and nothing that I’ve found so far sheds any light on why this seemingly harmless, nonviolent crime gets lumped in with serious crimes like rape and pedophilia. Speaking for myself, I certainly wasn’t much traumatized by occasional encounters with exhibitionists as a preteen and young teen, and I find it hard to believe that today’s kids would be shocked by anything I thought was humdrum. (Frankly, at that age, I found obscene phone callers far scarier.) What am I missing? Is there much incidence of exhibitionism leading to other, more significant, offenses? Was I an exception in not being particularly shocked or frightened in my encounters with exhibitionists, and therefore unable to appreciate the anguish caused in normal people? I am sincerely at a loss. I am working on understanding why my friend did these things; I’m also trying to understand this seeming overreaction which has, in my opinion, complicated his process of healing. Years after the last offense, he is treated like a hard-core criminal for an act which I wouldn’t have bothered to mention, let alone report, if it happened to me. Any thoughts would be appreciated. _________________________ 1. Nothing that I’ve found so far sheds any light on why this seemingly harmless, nonviolent crime gets lumped in with serious crimes like rape and pedophilia. Quoting the article from Encyclopædia Britannica that I’ve quoted before on this board, there is something it says about that: Exhibitionists are usually not dangerous, although the experience is frequently perceived by the victim as threatening; violence or sexual assault seldom follows the display. “The experience is frequently perceived by the victim as threatening,” it says. And not only by the victim, I might add, but by most of society as well. And I believe this is why it gets lumped with more serious crimes. It is an assumption that is widely made by many people about the intent of the offender—although, in fact, most of the offenders do nothing other than uncover their bodies in the presence of the victim, usually without any physical contact between them. This is not to minimize the trauma it may cause to some, but to point out that the behavior is not inherently violent. Police statistics also back up the statement, “violence or sexual assault seldom follows the display”—although they do demonstrate that there are a few exceptions. Speaking for myself, I certainly wasn’t much traumatized by occasional encounters with exhibitionists as a preteen and young teen, and I find it hard to believe that today’s kids would be shocked by anything I thought was humdrum. That’s interesting. Certainly some of today’s teens and preteens do feel traumatized by such an encounter. However, different situations and circumstances could also make an act or instance of exhibitionism seem different to different teens and preteens. It’s a question of whether the method or approach causes feelings of fear or anger—or both—in the victim. Perhaps the cases you experienced at that age may have been more subdued, in tamer circumstances, so that it didn’t provoke these feelings in you? 2. Is there much incidence of exhibitionism leading to other, more significant, offenses? I don’t believe there is, according to my understanding of police statistics, as well as what the experts say about it—although, as I mentioned above, there definitely are a few cases. 3. Was I an exception in not being particularly shocked or frightened in my encounters with exhibitionists, and therefore unable to appreciate the anguish caused in normal people? Again, that’s a question of the situations and the circumstances. In what manner did the exhibitionists expose themselves to you, if you don’t mind my asking? If it was in an obviously lewd way that defies society’s obvious standards of right and wrong, it could create in many people the feeling that the man who does this will also violate society’s standards of right and wrong by also committing a more serious act. On the other hand, supposing one preteen girl were to say to a friend, “I know a place out in the woods at this beach, where people sunbathe naked. You get to see naked boys and everything! Wanna go?” and the other girl says yes and they giggle—in a case like that, they would be going there expecting it, looking for it, and it is most unlikely that it would cause them to suffer any trauma when they did come across someone of the male gender lying there in his natural state. And in between, there is every variation possible. Depending on how it came across, you may or may not have been an exception in not having been particularly shocked at it. It depends on what kind of a situation it was. 4. I am working on understanding why my friend did these things.... We were recently asked that question by another woman. See the thread “Why do you do it?” posted by “Sister” below. In my answer I stated that since it isn’t a decision consciously made in the man’s intellect, but rather a giving in to a feeling that surges up in his emotions, it’s not so easy for a patient to just answer logically and intellectually the question of why he does it. It requires some more thorough, beneath-the-surface investigation into his subconscious thoughts and feelings. In my attempt at answering her question, I quoted from several of the confessions posted on this board, which you can review there. [Board administrator’s note: That thread has disappeared from the board.] 5. I’m also trying to understand this seeming overreaction which has, in my opinion, complicated his process of healing. Years after the last offense, he is treated like a hard-core criminal.... This is an issue that gets debated among the experts. Some feel that the old approach of harsher punishment works toward deterring the behavior, in spite of it being a compulsive behavior. Others take exception to that line of reasoning and say that since the behavior itself is, in fact, an addiction to punishment, then giving them harsher punishments only feeds the addiction, rather than treating it. And even if many experts do come to conclude that society is overreacting to it, getting changes to go through the judicial system is still a long, difficult process, complicated by the fact that much of society, not understanding such reductions in punishment, may feel that the judicial system is not doing its job in handing out the necessary punishments for those who break the law, and may, in fact, rise up in an angry reaction to it. There are always many complications involved in any major changes of judiciary procedure. Thank you for your comments. I hope this helps. And feel free to comment on this board any time. David Parker Link: Post a response
Message modified by board administrator August 9, 2005, 4:32 am
Insight, please?
Posted by SarahQ 4/19/2001, 2:48 am
I’d never given the subject of exhibitionism much thought until my circle of friends enlarged recently to include someone who has a felony conviction and lifetime probation for doing it.
An attempt at some insights
Posted by David Parker 4/24/2001, 8:40 pm
Thank you for your comments. To deal with your questions:
Message Thread:
« Back to thread
