Posted by Jeek/Sammy/Jay/haunted/Tim on September 12, 2005, 4:33 am _________________________ Go #### yourself, Jeek. The ones of us that do come here and do have a problem need this board. I, for one, am wanting to stop exposing myself, and some of these entries help me understand why I do the things I do. _________________________ Same here. I check out this board every day, looking for insights into how to stop exposing myself. I appreciate every message posted. One day I will get up the nerve to post a substantial post myself. Thank you to all the participants, and to David Parker for managing this important board. _________________________ Like you Jay, I've tried to stop too, but can't. After two arrests you'd think that'd be a pretty good incentive to cool things, but after the horror and embarrassment sort of fade, I find myself unable to resist the overwhelming feelings and desires to show myself and start doing it again. I'm 37 and the first time I remember exposing myself was when I was 10 years old. So, it's a lifetime pattern that I can not seem to find the will power to control. My one attempt at therapy did absolutely nothing but cost me a lot of money. Of course that was court-ordered. I don't know, just seems hopeless. But like you I check here daily trying to find answers. I don't think I want to stop. As sick as it may be, I enjoy it tremendously when I'm in the act of exposing myself. _________________________ Thanks Sammy. I think that you are mistaken when you say "I don't think I want to stop. If you didn't want to stop, you wouldn't be reading this. You do want to stop, as I do. Whether through genetics, upbringing, or whatever incidents in life brought about this condition of ours, stopping is very difficult, but I truly believe that it is not impossible. Although I am not yet successfully "sober," I have faith that the day will come when I shall be. I am 30, and have been doing it to various extents since age 15. I've never been arrested. I have a strong desire to stop, and in other areas of my life I have a strong will power, but when it comes to this... I'm stumped. Again, I plan to share my experiences soon on this board. Sammy, hang in there—eventually we will overcome this. In the meantime, I ask all those reading this board to share their thoughts and experiences—I find it very helpful to hear from others who are suffering the same way that I am—somehow it helps give me the strength to go on. P.S. One piece of advice that I thought of sharing—don't go onto the Internet sites that glorify exhibitionism, or even condone it. I've found lines like "Not all exhibitionists want treatment or even need it." Although not all of us may want it, I do believe that we need it. I find that going onto these sites is a way of "acting out" on days when it's to cold to really act out. Stay away from these sites—they are not healthy. _________________________ You know Jay, I've never thought of it, but you're probably so right about me wanting to stop. Just the act of coming to this site must mean something. I have noticed a change in the way I feel after the desire to show myself overwhelms me and I act on it. Now after I've been out exposing myself and after the gratification that masturbation does bring, I feel embarrassed now, even humiliated because I've done what I've done again. While I love the feeling I have when I get the desires to let someone see me and that feeling when I have someone looking, the feelings afterwards of the shame I do not like at all. These are new feelings that seem to have come about within this past year. Psychological self-punishment, I guess. I do think I know where these feelings may stem from. For a while last year (2003) my obsession with this turned to exposing myself to people I knew. Something that had always horrified me in the past was someone that knew me either seeing me or hearing from someone. But for some reason I developed the desire to show myself to the very people that I was always terrified that they may find out. Of course this ended in a couple of disasters, so I had to stop doing that. But maybe the one benefit that came from that is this feeling of humiliation and shame I get after I've been out exposing myself. Maybe this is what will eventually get me to stop doing this. But I've been doing this for a long, long time and a lifetime of this type behavior is pretty much the only way I know how to behave. Like I mentioned, this is an obsession. An overwhelming obsession that I know that you too understand. I'm like you in the fact that hearing from others like me does seem to help. I'd like to tell about some of my experiences in this venue also. This may be a sort of group therapy that I could vent here and maybe help me change my behavior out in the public. Could be something that could help us all. Thanks, Jay, for responding back to me. Just knowing someone understands is therapy in itself. A friend, Sammy _________________________ Hey guys. I am a male, 27 years of age. I'm not certain when I started. I was out of control right from the get-go. I flashed people I knew, didn't know, whoever and whenever I had the chance to 'get away with it'. The greater the risk of getting caught, the greater the rush. In some respects I was leading a double life. The non-flashing me could not even acknowledge that I had the problem. It sounds crazy, but I managed to distort and deny the whole problem... in my own mind. This brought on tremendous guilt, shame and stress. But still I was too ashamed and scared of not being accepted to seek help. The unaddressed stress caused me to act out even more. The vicious cycle I'm sure you are both aware of. By repeating this pattern again and again it became a sort of emergency break when things got out of control. I depended on it to 'cope' and avoid coping with life. I started becoming more and more aware that my 'problem coping method' was leading to more and more problems. I had started this obsession in ignorance but at this point I knew this was a major problem. And still I wasn't able to honestly 'deal' with the issue. I really cut back and tried to stop between 18 and 21. But I was only willing to do it on my own. I had a few slips, but for the most part kept it under control. At 22 I had a major relapse. It was horrible because I had thought I'd 'beaten it'. I hadn't and it came back worse than before. I was also abusing drugs and alcohol pretty hard at this point. I did whatever I had to do to keep from looking at myself in the mirror. After a year of heavy flashing, substance abuse and depression, I pulled a 'geographic cure' and again tried to stop on my own. I went almost four years and kept it under control, but still I refused to seek help. My other addictions struck again. One of the main reasons? Guilt and stress from my flashing. I started finding myself back out on the street looking for chances to expose myself. I started picturing myself exposing myself to my neighbours. Obsession set in and I struggled every day to keep it in check. IT HAD COME BACK AGAIN. At this point I was desperate and on the brink of asking for help for all my problems. I was almost at my bottom. When I hit my bottom I knew the jig was up. It was the worst feeling, but I also felt freedom Today I seek to deal with my problems on a daily basis and I seek daily acceptance and solutions. Cheers and good luck. _________________________ To Jeek.... Thanks for sharing, keep coming back. We do recover. _________________________ By the way, how does he think he knows how many hits per day this board gets? I’ve looked through the tracker, and I don’t know the exact number, but I can see that it’s a lot more than four a day. Way more.
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Message modified by board administrator September 12, 2005, 4:42 am
This Board
Posted by Jeek on December 18, 2004, 11:11 am
This board sucks, and all of you that are here suck. Four hits a day?! How PATHETIC.
[Obscene comment about a female poster deleted by board administration]
Posted by Sammy on December 20, 2004, 10:13 pm
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Re: This Board and the posters
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