Posted by Haunted/pamela on September 12, 2005, 4:20 am I am having a really rough time right now. How can someone who has done so much wrong to so many innocent people be granted mercy? I have struggled with my compulsion for a long time. I racked up a lot of guilt but I managed to restrain myself for four-plus years. Then last month I was confronted by my actions from the past. I had had no idea my actions caused so much pain and hurt so many people. It's difficult to explain the nature of the compulsion. I want to join an online (no face-to-face locals) 12-step program ASAP. I want to find a live IRC room so I can talk with someone who knows where I am coming from. Please help... I feel like all my guilt hit at once. I need to work this out and I am desperate. I have been 'hanging out' on the www.recoverychat.com website in the hopes that I might find someone who can relate. Thanks. _________________________ Exhibitionism is basically a behavior or neurosis that isn't socially acceptable. It could be worse, not to minimize your anguish. A good sex therapist may be able to help you go through the motions of becoming a competent, wonderful sex partner. A good therapist may help you develop a more accurate picture and realization of your value. You are valuable and loveable not because of what you do, or don't do, but because you have innate value. What junction did you meet that hurt your ability to connect, trust others, or believe you were loveable? That may be the 'lie' that is hampering your life's portrait. Are you carrying guilt that is not yours to carry from the past, and... how long must you flagellate yourself for falling in holes? May you take another road, avoid the same traps, (which become predictable) (there is strength and power in that realization) and find happiness. Life is short. _________________________ Thanks for your reply. It took me a while to come to terms with some things, but I feel I have found peace. When I was trying to 'figure' this thing out I was dealing with so many issues at once and I was desperate to have the answers... yesterday. Understanding the 'why' is important. And many can't/won't honestly approach this question. This act fills "MY" needs. So what need(s) is it filling? Understanding 'what' we do is hard too, because we minimize and rationalize our actions. Again getting honest can be difficult. And makes us seek answers we may not like. Exhibitionists target UNWILLING victims. It's almost funny that most exhibitionists (myself included) look at rapists and pedophiles in such disgust. I think we would have to take a much harder look at ourselves if we sat and listened to a rapists or pedophile. I would wager they come up with the same excuses we do. They rationalize just like us. They minimize too. The only difference is the degree of the sickness. After your "why and what" are better understood, they become less important. And if you have the desire to stop this behaviour, at some point you have to care more about yourself in an UNSELFISH way. At some point you have to stop analyzing and just do what's right… one day at a time. My two cents anyways.
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Help....
Posted by Haunted on October 17, 2004, 9:30 am
Posted by pamela on December 22, 2004, 12:54 am
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Feeling better
Posted by haunted on December 23, 2004, 9:28 am
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