Posted by M.King
on 11/10/2005, 8:02 am
67.100.98.200
Hello to whom ever is looking at these words right now. I’m going to be short and bitter. I’ve tried some online communities, therapy, meditation, inducing myself with drugs, increased social activity, and much more. The reason for reaching out is due to my bipolarity, or so they say. I’m twenty two years old and living with my partner, she is a year and a half older. I have lived with her for five months, and we have been dating for seven. Here is my SHOUT!!!!!!!
I think I might be obsessive in relationships. I constantly think of this person, she is on my mind 90% of my day. When she calls, or writes me a text message it makes me very happy and excited. When she tells me she loves me it makes me float. When I’m with her I’m content and alive. We get along very well, have yet to have a fight. We communication to the best of our abilities and personalities. I am in love with this women and I don’t want to push her away.
Well everything goes good up until I start to worry. I start to think of these horrible situations, I get these disgusting images in my head, thoughts that tear me apart. She has had a past with men, and I on the other hand have not had a past with women. I have been with 9 women my whole life, and she will not expose her past. She is still friends with her “fuk buddy”. He lives far away, but they still talk. He is in her favorite band. She is bisexual and just started a job at a restraint where all of the servers are women and wear very small and tight clothes. I really don’t approve of this place because I feel its degrading. She picked up the job without talking to me about it. She tells me the place is not that great, yet rants and raves to her friends that its so great. I have told her that I need not to be a stupid boyfriend and also be her friend, so there for I shove the emotions I have for her working here inside and force myself to be ok with it. I do this because I know she is the type of girl that will do what ever she wants regardless what anyone else thinks. I am getting worn down and I want to make this work.
On the level of how we are. I’m very open, sharing my emotions and displaying my feelings on a very advanced level. I am moody from time to time but I never take it out with anger. I only get mad when its needed but I am never “mean”. I’m energetic and spontaneous. When somethings bothering me I love to talk about it. She is a very closed person, rarely talking about her emotions, never really displaying her feelings. She is very stable. She is very strong and calm. She always keeps her cool, never getting mad or upset. She’s energetic and spontaneous, always taking life as it comes.
I love this women for all her traits, ways and thoughts…..but I’m getting worn down by them. She does have a five year old child which we take care of on the week, and the father takes care of on the weekend. I do all the laundry, dishes and cleaning. She is very irresponsible and unorganized. She admits to being lazy and apologize for it all the time, and always thanks me for taking care of her.
I’m getting worn down and I’m afraid to talk to her……because I think she wont have anything to say.
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