Posted by Simon on 6/7/2005, 4:31 am, in reply to "Re: the ripple effects and affects..." Anyway, enough of my relationship, point is, THANKYOU so much for sharing this...I'm crying as I write, If I had have married and had chilren with her...how would they have turned out...what would they have had to face...in ending this relationship I save myself and future children the pain, it is not a cycle I want to be a part of. Not sure if this helps you, but most certainly thankyou. I could say that the souls that are a part of this cycle have attracted this to have a chance to clear, and in that light everything is actually fine, hopefully your children will one day see the pain they cause others and themselves and will seek to clear. I wish my ex-partner genuinely could have admitted her mood swings and also saught to clear. Speaking of which I guess I have to learn and clear some more so I don't attract another abuser and move further towards wholeness. --Previous Message--
202.172.114.45
Oh my god, thankyou so much for sharing this insight and experience. I have recently ended an abusive relationship, that lasted almost 3 years. Everything was a power struggle with her, and 'apparently' her behaviour was always my fault...now that I'm letting go...and realising that she will not change through the power of my love...I'm starting to see the truth. What was just said here "getting in my face and showing their power" that was exactly what my partner would do to do me. I would maintain witness and handle these 'games' as best I could, always praying one day she would love me sincerely for longer than a week or two before snapping again.
: : Thank you Vicki, Yea, I can relate
: to this alot and thank you so much
: for your clarity.Blessings to you
: too. with love.
:
: --Previous Message--
: Angela, I am new to this site and
: have
: not received my books yet on
: emotional clearing. Due to the fact
: I have studied emotions, ego, self
: etc. extensely over the last year, I
: feel that I can join in.
:
: In September 2003 my ex-husband was
: arrested for physical/emotional
: abuse of our then 11 year old son.
: It wasn't until I sat at the
: sheriffs office that it clicked - we
: had all been emotionally abused for
: several years. Of course I filed
: for divorce right away and now am a
: single mom of a 19 and 13 year old
: sons. At first everyone was so
: relieved! And things were great. I
: began my healing process, which led
: me to extensive classes and I became
: a holistic coach. I bravely delt
: with emotions / feelings /
: perceptions that first year left and
: right. What I wasn't prepared for
: was the day I realized, my God - the
: children are just like him! They
: began acting out in anger like him,
: getting in my face and showing their
: power. Munipulate me during an
: agreement - twisting around what was
: happening. I was shocked and so
: angry. I was reliving the experince
: of the emotional abuse through my
: children. And I felt like all of
: our lives were ruined.
:
: This is what I learned. 1. I needed
: to separate my children's behavior
: from their being. 2. I needed to
: set firm boundries and enforce those
: boundries. 3. I needed to let them
: take responsibilies for their
: behavior and not own it. 4. I
: needed to love my self and them
: unconditionally.
:
: The children are angry - very angry
: - and I am the only one left to deal
: with that anger. I don't own their
: anger - it belongs to them not me.
: That is what they will have to over
: come and heal someday when they are
: older. In the meantime, I read
: books (Indigo children is great)and
: find ways to improve relationships -
: understand the relationship with
: myself, children and others.
:
: Healing from a abusive relationship
: takes time. Is it possible when
: your children act out they are
: mirrowing back to you areas that are
: still not healed? I find this true
: for self. Each time they mirrow it
: is a direct hit! I go through a
: large range of emotions. Staying
: with my anger, my sense of failure,
: my desparation is the road to my
: healing.
:
: I have an analogy: If you kick a
: dog everytime you walk past it, it
: is going to bite you. It will come
: to the point you don't have to raise
: your foot as you pass - the dog will
: automatically act and bite. If you
: take that dog out and put it in
: another home - even if it is more
: loving and no one kicks it - it will
: still want to bite everyone that
: walks past it. Time, love and
: patience - lots of patience will
: eventually change the behavior.
: Until then, be gentle to self, love
: self, and know that God and the
: angels are with you every step of
: the way. Blessings to you on your
: journey.
:
: --Previous Message--
: Currently feel fragile, some weeks
: back the subject of abuse occurred.
: What I want to share is the long
: term ripple affects from an abusive
: relationship ie dealing with the
: absorbed patterns that children
: have. As I write I;m still shaking,
: coz whatever improvements changes
: Ive achieved in this area, with my
: children, I still find there’s more
: and I hurt, am sad, feel resentful,
: anger, despaire, distress and yes
: I’m sitting with it doing the work,
: re asked for inner help, meditated,
: imagined, felt it ....... and these
: have helped, Whereas a relationship
: with a partner thats past its time
: can finally be walked away from,
: learnt and healed, what about your
: own children. I love them, this is
: now, I recognise whats happened, (
: in this case a long while back, re
: patterns), do my best to be what is
: right each moment by moment, yet
: those patterns used by my ex
: partner used to hurt they finally
: got dealt with, when its my own
: children repeating them my god thats
: more than a test, a kind of double
: double whammy, I have dealt with a
: range of these however this time
: the rawness and wariness oh.......
: To those of you who recognise any
: possible involvement in an abusive
: relationship please fast forward the
: potential affects if children become
: involved If there are other parents
: who have moved on from abuse, who
: have children , what do you or did
: you do to move on and develop
: effective healthy relationships with
: your chilcren. Some of it is good,
: however the areas that crop up that
: are really really hard, leave a
: sense of almost total depletion,
: writing this I’ve moved on a bit,
: thankyou for this, for anyone who
: can relate to this situation who has
: successfully moved on and can shed
: some light ................. I think
: at a deep level I have some idea, re
: when a situation occurs that I deal
: with well, and no feelings, Ok,
: those that do represent feelings,
: require integration, this is so hard
: coz I want to run away from it and
: have to face it. and let go of the
: accompanying raw wary feelings to
: respond fresh... sometimes after
: deep meditation this is what
: happens, I guess like any situation,
: that takes you to core despair
: whether through work, with loved
: ones or whatever some trust has to
: be regained, any input?
:
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