Posted by Angela on 2/5/2005, 8:27 am, in reply to "Re: the ripple effects and affects..." --Previous Message--
195.92.168.175
Thank you Vicki, Yea, I can relate to this alot and thank you so much for your clarity.Blessings to you too. with love.
: Angela, I am new to this site and have
: not received my books yet on
: emotional clearing. Due to the fact
: I have studied emotions, ego, self
: etc. extensely over the last year, I
: feel that I can join in.
:
: In September 2003 my ex-husband was
: arrested for physical/emotional
: abuse of our then 11 year old son.
: It wasn't until I sat at the
: sheriffs office that it clicked - we
: had all been emotionally abused for
: several years. Of course I filed
: for divorce right away and now am a
: single mom of a 19 and 13 year old
: sons. At first everyone was so
: relieved! And things were great. I
: began my healing process, which led
: me to extensive classes and I became
: a holistic coach. I bravely delt
: with emotions / feelings /
: perceptions that first year left and
: right. What I wasn't prepared for
: was the day I realized, my God - the
: children are just like him! They
: began acting out in anger like him,
: getting in my face and showing their
: power. Munipulate me during an
: agreement - twisting around what was
: happening. I was shocked and so
: angry. I was reliving the experince
: of the emotional abuse through my
: children. And I felt like all of
: our lives were ruined.
:
: This is what I learned. 1. I needed
: to separate my children's behavior
: from their being. 2. I needed to
: set firm boundries and enforce those
: boundries. 3. I needed to let them
: take responsibilies for their
: behavior and not own it. 4. I
: needed to love my self and them
: unconditionally.
:
: The children are angry - very angry
: - and I am the only one left to deal
: with that anger. I don't own their
: anger - it belongs to them not me.
: That is what they will have to over
: come and heal someday when they are
: older. In the meantime, I read
: books (Indigo children is great)and
: find ways to improve relationships -
: understand the relationship with
: myself, children and others.
:
: Healing from a abusive relationship
: takes time. Is it possible when
: your children act out they are
: mirrowing back to you areas that are
: still not healed? I find this true
: for self. Each time they mirrow it
: is a direct hit! I go through a
: large range of emotions. Staying
: with my anger, my sense of failure,
: my desparation is the road to my
: healing.
:
: I have an analogy: If you kick a
: dog everytime you walk past it, it
: is going to bite you. It will come
: to the point you don't have to raise
: your foot as you pass - the dog will
: automatically act and bite. If you
: take that dog out and put it in
: another home - even if it is more
: loving and no one kicks it - it will
: still want to bite everyone that
: walks past it. Time, love and
: patience - lots of patience will
: eventually change the behavior.
: Until then, be gentle to self, love
: self, and know that God and the
: angels are with you every step of
: the way. Blessings to you on your
: journey.
:
: --Previous Message--
: Currently feel fragile, some weeks
: back the subject of abuse occurred.
: What I want to share is the long
: term ripple affects from an abusive
: relationship ie dealing with the
: absorbed patterns that children
: have. As I write I;m still shaking,
: coz whatever improvements changes
: Ive achieved in this area, with my
: children, I still find there’s more
: and I hurt, am sad, feel resentful,
: anger, despaire, distress and yes
: I’m sitting with it doing the work,
: re asked for inner help, meditated,
: imagined, felt it ....... and these
: have helped, Whereas a relationship
: with a partner thats past its time
: can finally be walked away from,
: learnt and healed, what about your
: own children. I love them, this is
: now, I recognise whats happened, (
: in this case a long while back, re
: patterns), do my best to be what is
: right each moment by moment, yet
: those patterns used by my ex
: partner used to hurt they finally
: got dealt with, when its my own
: children repeating them my god thats
: more than a test, a kind of double
: double whammy, I have dealt with a
: range of these however this time
: the rawness and wariness oh.......
: To those of you who recognise any
: possible involvement in an abusive
: relationship please fast forward the
: potential affects if children become
: involved If there are other parents
: who have moved on from abuse, who
: have children , what do you or did
: you do to move on and develop
: effective healthy relationships with
: your chilcren. Some of it is good,
: however the areas that crop up that
: are really really hard, leave a
: sense of almost total depletion,
: writing this I’ve moved on a bit,
: thankyou for this, for anyone who
: can relate to this situation who has
: successfully moved on and can shed
: some light ................. I think
: at a deep level I have some idea, re
: when a situation occurs that I deal
: with well, and no feelings, Ok,
: those that do represent feelings,
: require integration, this is so hard
: coz I want to run away from it and
: have to face it. and let go of the
: accompanying raw wary feelings to
: respond fresh... sometimes after
: deep meditation this is what
: happens, I guess like any situation,
: that takes you to core despair
: whether through work, with loved
: ones or whatever some trust has to
: be regained, any input?
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