Posted by Jim The meeting went well. I was able to say what I wanted to say which is that I dont hang around with my mom much because I feel very un-comfortable around her. That was so hard to watch her whole body language change. She got smaller, her head went down she looked afraid and alone. But I said it and then I left it alone, not trying to convince or prove. --Previous Message--
on 1/27/2005, 7:31 am, in reply to "Re: Parents"
4.255.32.255
The first feeling that came to mind is free. I want to feel free. Released. I will consider what you said, thanks
: Thank you for this The following is
: taken from D. Ford’s book ‘The best
: year of your life’ from the chapter
: - exposing the fantasy. When I
: started reading it I thought it was
: similar to so many other books, as I
: took in what she says I see the
: relationship with em clearing :
: ‘ Its so easy to believe that some
: outside event will bring you the joy
: you’re seeking, But what if you
: found out ....that what you are
: actually chasing is not a particular
: goal or result but rather a
: particular feeling............. You
: might think you will be happy
: when............but I challenge
: you to look deeper. What are you
: hoping to feel....’
:
: The following exercise is taken from
: the book:
: Write down a description of the
: fantasy life you re hoping and
: wishing you will “ one day” lead
:
: Dissect your fantasy to determine
: how you hope you will feel once that
: fantasy comes true.
:
: Identify actions to take each day to
: generate within yourself the
: feelings you are chasing.
:
: Commit to being 100% responsible for
: creating the feelings you desire.
:
: Jim if you take the example you give
: re your mother, how would you hope
: to feel if you didnt see her, and,
: could you give yourself this
: feeling(s).
:
: Would this then be a way to reclaim
: yourself?
: This kind of follows on re what
: Linda says, would you try it?
:
:
:
:
: --Previous Message--
: I'm going out to lunch with my
: parents
: today (im 42) to try to explain to
: them why I dont spend much time with
: them. The truth is I dont value
: their presence in my life. I dont
: like my mother and I feel very
: uncomfortable and anxious around her
: and I would be absolutely fine if I
: knew I was never going to see her
: again.
:
: So how to draw the line between
: honesty and hurting her is something
: I will be struggling with. I dont
: want to hurt her. In fact I have a
: built in need to put her feelings
: before mine and protect her from
: hurt. I suppose protecting her
: feelings all my life could have
: something to do with why I dont like
: being with her. LOTS of suppressed
: stuff here.
:
: Thank god for EC. I am able to go
: into this knowing that I dont need
: to talk to her to do my processing.
: The processing is personal and I do
: that on my own. What I am doing is
: giving them an explanation they are
: asking for out of respect. Its
: coming cleare as I type. I dont have
: to expose my inner processes to
: them. All I need to do is give an
: explanation that they can understand
: and will work for them! great, I
: feel much better now, thanks guys
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