Posted by Seth --Previous Message--
on 11/20/2004, 8:08 am, in reply to "I am a mess"
24.43.159.18
Hey vince I'm not to sure what you have suppressed, but I would have to say that if your not attracted to men your probably not gay, but I don't know for sure. It also seems like you reject those feelings which is understandable given are society, but we both know thats not going to clear them out.
I'll give you this to try on the touchy subject of masturbation. When you are feeling horny whether or not its gay fantasies bringing it on try to shut off the thoughts feeding the fantasies and just take the time and try to masturbate to the sensation alone. Be present, and don't go somewhere else in your mind... see if that helps integrate those emotions.
: I wrote that "I am gay"
: message last night when I was drunk,
: stoned, and horny. I fantasized
: about being gay and I masturbated to
: it. Afterwards I felt awful and went
: right to sleep.
: I've gotten nowhere with emotional
: clearing because I continue to act
: out my fantasies. These gay
: fantasies have left me with no
: confidence. I don't find men
: attractive so a gay relationship is
: not possible. I just find the
: thought of gay sex as exciting. I am
: becoming recluse and withdrawn from
: others because I am ashamed and lack
: self-confidence.
: My ex-girlfriend as well as another
: girl who is a friend of mine said
: they are not attracted to me because I
: don't give off the "vibe"
: that exudes confidence.
: They are right. I used to feel like
: a man and had the confidence to meet
: other women. Now, after years of
: fantasizing about gay sex, I don't
: have that confidence.
: The only answer for me is to stop
: fantasizing (and getting high) and to
: face the suppressed emotions that I am
: hiding from. So far I have lacked
: the strength to go through with it,
: but it's ruining my life. I'm
: hurting myself and distancing myself
: from everyone who loves me.
: As you may be able to tell, I am
: hurting badly right now. I went a
: whole week without acting out my
: fantasies. But I met my
: ex-girlfriend last night (we still
: love each other) yet my confidence
: was still not there. One week of
: refraining is not enough to undo
: years of fantasizing. The core
: emotions are still there. Anyway we
: got in an argument and I came home,
: got high, and masturbated. I feel
: like a complete failure in my life.
: I am 38 years old and I am an
: emotional wreck.
:
:
:
Message Thread:
« Back to thread