Posted by Jen on 8/23/2004, 1:27 pm, in reply to "Help with process" Hi Helen, As per your question - what is the cause and how do you determine it - it seems that the cause of the phenomenon is always unprocessed emotions, that resolution always lies in acceptance, and that as we give our best, most open-hearted energy into processing, we will see more and more how our reactions to external relationships facilitate or hinder our efforts. Maybe as you continue you will be able to process more and will become more aware of how to most appropriately relate to your husband. My own situation is different, but I have been enjoying a chemistry that has been building with a friend, and the other night we agreed to explore it together physically. It became apparent that being intimate without being in love was, for him, at odds with his where his heart was truly at. The energy of our dynamic has shifted dramatically and I feel very sad. But I know the sadness isn't created by the shift; the shift is bringing up the sadness. As I begin to accept it, the way that I feel, in my heart, in terms of how to relate to him in a way that is balanced and respectful and honors his integrity and is honest, is able to blossom. Maybe the 'answer' lies in engaging in and trusting in the process while not yet knowing what it means in terms of how your relationship with your husband will or should evolve. ? Best,
209.98.142.196
I guess what I am asking is how do you know when all the negativity is in oneself or when is it being kept going by a bad relationship?
I just re-read the Relationships section of the website, partly because of a sense of deep sadness that I am piecemeal processing today, revealed by a shift in a relationship with someone I've shared romantic chemistry with. I'm experiencing exactly what John talks about - a relationship can act to keep you from feeling something, and in this case, I must have been relying on the relationship, in part, to energetically block unprocessed/repressed sadness. It's such a tender energy, and to the extent that I can accept it, I can feel the sweet side of it too. It has a liquid golden quality.
Jen
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