Posted by Abigail
on 1/13/2009, 1:35 pm
208.70.2.30
Hello Any and Everyone.
I finished Emotional Clearing a week ago and have been meditating and doing yoga daily since, both of which are brand new practices for me.
After 3 days, I began noticing that by alternating between "holding" the pains in my chest and throat (as in a nice soft bubble) and breathing prana into them, they would eventually release warm floods of tingly energy down my arms and into my 3rd and 2nd chakras. Prior to this pleasant release I was feeling the impulse to twitch, shake, jerk around in the neck and arms as happens in "somatic experiencing" therapy (something I had a few very intense sessions with quite a long time ago). I resisted these movements, however, afraid that I would not be able to integrate the experience properly or get out of it without reaching the point of "overwhelm", something I was told I did not want to happen. Also it felt quite uncomfortable in my neck in the sitting position.
Two days ago I noticed my 1st chakra (right in the perineum)vibrating like a tiny little drill was in there (!!) and then a VERY powerful surge of warm tingles started pouring upward into my abdomen. As the surge was starting I felt like I was about to leave/change consciousness/check out/lose the witness part of the experience which was very frightening so I clenched down on the whole thing and apologized to my body/self for so abruptly halting the process.
Immediately afterward and ever since I have had cold chills sweeping up my legs into my abdomen, diarhea and racing heart. TOO MUCH, TOO FAST, I say.
So what to do now? I have stopped meditating altogether and am consciously engaging in displacement behaviour, distraction, trying to comfort myself with prayer, music, pleasant thoughts and safe company. At first I was even purposely physically blocking the persistent tingling at my first chakra. But the sensation of fear persisted, of course.
Now I know that, according to the book, I was doing everything I wasn't supposed to do with the fear (ie. trying to resupress it) but I was afraid of the chakra continueing to "leak" fear into my system even though I'm not meditating anymore or, worse, release it like a dam being breached and overwhelm me.
So, yes, fear of fear, fear of losing control of mind and body, fear of losing the witness perspective, fear of other chakras opening without my wanting them to, etc, etc.
The questions for you all: How do I slow this down? How do I feel the present fear that's been released (something I WANT to do) without more continueing to flood out before I've got some kind of balanced relationship with the initial surge? I need to develop a much stronger, more confident abilitiy to remain in the witness, but how do I develop that without simultaneously releasing more difficult feelings? And what are we supposed to do when the energy wants to release in the form of twitches and tremors (I couldn't find mention of such stuff in the book)? Also, other books (eg. Kornfield's A Path with Heart) mention perils of spiritual life such as temporary blindness, too quick release of kundalini energy, hallucinations, days of arm flapping and all these other forms of "madness" which, of course, are all adding tremendously to my fear of this experience(!); any comments regarding such things would be appreciated.
A bit about my circumstances for anyone who might wish to respond to this: I live almost alone in the wilderness (I have wonderful neighbors) without easy access to phone or computer (which I love!) and I have very limited financial resources for a therapist. I would like to continue this process but in a more gentle fashion, if possible. And, no, I have no history of mental "illness", only the run-of-the-mill suppression style we all suffer.
Thank you for your time!! Would love some feedback! And I wish you courageous beings well. Blessings to you!
Abigail.
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