Posted by David
on 7/10/2008, 11:27 pm, in reply to "Re: Jelousy / insecurity"
69.224.116.249
After being alone for the last 4 years I met someone and we've been together for the last 5 months. She has so many x's (which she would talk about and bring up often within the first week) which was upsetting along with many other things I found very hard to deal with including her friends which are into these sex parties and what have you. She tells me that she's never cheated on me since we've been together but when I asked her (as my intuition is very high) she always looks up and to my left (which my hypnotherapy friend tells me is a sign that she's lying). I had asked her to let me know when she's in touch with her x's as she was only out of a relationship for 3 weeks before meeting me (after telling me it was 2 months) her stories always seem to change and there's a serious lack of consistency. There have been serious triggers regarding her lying about being in touch with her x's and I went as far as checking her emails, phone texts, etc...and, because I want nothing short of full honesty - I told her I did this and that I wouldn't do it again. She was upset (understandably so) but we never got to why she lied about being in touch with x's. her lack of support, recognizing me, or validating me during a concert where I lived a dream come true of me performing at a 1600 seat concert hall of my original music. she hooked me up with a friend of hers ( a drummer I've been wanting to play with for years) after the show - she had texted him that "he rocked" feeling as though I didn't get the kudos (she never told me I rocked or that she really liked it - in fact, she stated that she felt it was a demand of mine that she be there) I was hoping she'd come.
anyway, in clearing triggers and emotions where do you drawl the line for yourself saying "this is not a person I deserve in my life as it brings me too much turmoil, lack of support (emotionally, sexually, etc.) lack of validation and recognition?
I just don't feel as though I get my needs met with this person who has her own issues and some major drama in her family and a history of a "crack ho" as she likes to call it where she's been extremely sexual - over the top - in fact, some of the party's she's taken me to one girl came up to her and asked her if she could kiss her ( i couldn't see my girls face nor reaction) but the pause kinda said it for me. Another time a girl came up to her and said " I remember you from so and so's place " (again, I couldn't see my girls face nor expression ) where the girl just said "oh, it's cool and changed the subject.." I was extremely suspicious and tend to really get triggered by her surrupticiousness.
i did an excercise once with her where we shared all the things we both lied about between each other. it was good. I was told by a stranger that "once a liar always a liar" and "you've simply helped her release her guilt and it'll be easier for her to lie in the future"
my biggest fear is that she has, is or will cheat on me and in this day and age (and given or irrisponsible nature where I feel the need to get tested)
well...I think you get the jist
I've heen spending many months (5) in this relationship and although the beggining was grand - now I'm wondering why I'm not DOING FOR SELF and self sacrificing for this person who I feel gives me little or no respect, support, acknowledgement. her words are great - it's the lack of action that show's me the truth and takes away the veil of illusion.
your thoughts are greatly apprecaited
Namaste
D
--Previous Message--
: It might help to process your
: feelings. You can work with a
: facilitator - look one up near you,
: or anyone you feel comfortable
: working with even over the phone -
: it doesn't matter where they are
: located if you use the phone. I'm
: certified and am in Connecticut.
: Good luck.
:
: --Previous Message--
: Hello, I almost finished reading the
: book. For me it's an absolutely new
: approach since I tried to treat my
: lack of selfesteem with kognitive
: therapy and fought against my
: feelings and thoughts. I would like
: to go on and try this new approach
: which for me seems very hopeful.
: Right now I feel very sad and
: desperated. Im getting married in a
: couple months and I have a very
: loving partner. But Im very jelous,
: not in the way that I think he would
: be unfaithful, but that he finds
: somebody more beautiful and sexy
: than me. (I know it sounds childish
: and selfish). So I expect from him
: that he doesnt look after other
: woman and either doesn't make
: comments about their look. I feel
: like I can never relax because Im
: always afraid that I look to him and
: I can see that he looks to a very
: beautiful girl or his friends are
: telling him about one so he has to
: look. And then Im blaming him and
: seek for secure words from his side.
: Does anyone else have this problem.
: I feel quite alone and so ashamed of
: it. In a rational way I shouldn't
: even worry about it because I think
: I'm not bad looking and my partner
: gives me many compliments. Its also
: strange because I only get jelous if
: its about beauty or sexyness.....
: Sorry for those long lines, I just
: felt I had to write it down....
:
:
:
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