Posted by Kathy on 10/31/2007, 5:50 am
83.15.200.158
First of all forgive me my English – I am from Poland and perhaps it is not as correct as it should be. John, thank you very much for your book it is my guide in life and I know it almost by heart. I have decided to share with somone what I am feeling because I need a support in my work. From some months I survive a real wave of feelings and emotions that invade my consciousness. The reason is very common and boring – a heartbreak. I am working with all my feelings, they are very intensive and sometimes I think I cannot go further. I think that I understood well all the rules of IC processing but I cannot see any progress in my work. It is even more strange to me because I have been involved in spiritual development for several years. I am practicing yoga for more than three years – I participate weekly in three or four one hour and a half sessions. I am also vipassana meditator, for two years I am practicing one hour meditation daily, sometimes twice a day. I also participate in group sittings once a week and in 10-days vipassana courses once or two times a year. I was always thinking that I am well prepared for emotional crisis. But I was not at all.
I have several waves of very strong emotions a day. Sometimes they come into my consciousness very unexpectedly – during a business meeting or when I am in a company of other people. I cannot resist crying, but I have to suppress my pain because I cannot integrate it when I am with the others. These are the worst moments. During my meditation I feel a strong pressure in my heart and throat chacras. Should I breath to them? I am not sure because John told in his book that first we should open the lower chacras without “touching” the higher ones. My lower chacras are not integrated for sure that why I have some doubts.
It seems to me that I am applying all rules of IC in my work. So, why I do not see any progress? Each day I feel more lonely and sad. I do not seek contact with the man who broke my heart and do not feel him guilty for my feelings, on the contrary I respect him and I am glad that I met him and i am able to experience all these feelings, no matter how painful they are. But sometimes the pain is insupportable and I cannot see the end of it. Nobody knows about my pain, I do not have a close friend to share with him/her my feelings. That is why I need someone to confirm that I am on a right path.
Kathy
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