Posted by Robert on 1/26/2007, 11:02 am, in reply to "Hell" I empathize with what you're feeling. It is normal to feel resentment towards an emotionally abusive parent. Especially when providing care. It is a difficult struggle. We have been programmed to love and care for our parents regardless if there is reciprocity and if the parent is emotionally abusive. THIS IS HOGWASH. I cared for my disabled father for many years until his death. I really wanted to tell him to kindly #### off so many times. But I stuffed my true feelings and rejected them. In doing so..I rejected my Self. I learned to set boundaries with my abusive parent and basically told him..."Should you choose to use abusive language with me...I will not provide care for you." Following his passing..I had to face the deep hate and resentment (and love) I felt for him deep inside me. Feeling the opposites fully within myself was confusing and painful but ultimately healing.I had to get beyond rejecting my "negative" feelings. Turns out...my "negative" feelings were actually positive in nature and designed to protect my inner Self from abuse. After I cleared the emotions surrounding this issue (this took many years of work) I found that I had unconditional love for him...and I still do. He was acting out the abuse he received. He was transferring and projecting. This does not excuse his behavior. Each one of us is responsible for what we create.
68.116.183.134
Hi Linda,
It just means that much of the negativity I introjected from him did not even have its origins in him. It was a perpetual dysfunctional cycle of blame and projection that was passed on throughout the generations and incarnations. I would encourage you to accept the hate and resentment you feel without judging yourself or acting out. Then you will find deep peace.
--Previous Message--
: I stopped taking an anti-depressant
: about a month ago...My father passed
: away a year ago and I was hoping my
: mom would follow soon...Not....It's
: been over a year. I want to stop
: anasthetizing myself and take more
: action...which the pill I have been
: on (Lexapro) has been a form of
: paralysis...WEll, folks , lately I
: am feeling like I will just walk
: off this old family plantation and
: tell them all to go to hell...I took
: care of mom and dad for six years
: so the other siblings can step up
: ...I don't want to do it another who
: knows...how long....I have tried the
: power is in the presence and where
: does it get me... she's a narcissist
: and has no feelings except she wants
: everyone to "worship" her
: and wait on her...I am living a
: constant performance I am not
: telling the truth...I want to look
: at her and say Hey , Momma yo ....I
: cannot stand to look at you anymore
: and I am sick of cooking for y ou
: and I am not going to hold your hand
: into your casket. woo hoo mmm I am
: one angry woman...and the pathetic
: sisters and brothers....I never want
: to see them again....where is our
: threshold? Is my shadow about to
: devour me? Am I going thru a
: "mid life crisis" ///
: well, that's enough for now...thank
: god for my worn out ruskan book....
: It is ok for me to feel my feelings
: I am not a bad person because I
: cannot at this time..at this
: hour...today ...embrace my
: mother...I have tried to be the
: dutiful daughter too long.... maybe
: I'll just have to go around
: again....queendina The big question
: that only I can answer is ...do I
: put the white powder back in the
: system and let it go until she's in
: the grave and then let the fireworks
: out? somebody ..talk to me...I may
: call john but then he's got all the
: answers right there in the
: book....hmmmmm
:
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