Posted by queendina on 4/13/2006, 8:52 pm
12.105.109.22
I stopped taking an anti-depressant about a month ago...My father passed away a year ago and I was hoping my mom would follow soon...Not....It's been over a year. I want to stop anasthetizing myself and take more action...which the pill I have been on (Lexapro) has been a form of paralysis...WEll, folks , lately I am feeling like I will just walk off this old family plantation and tell them all to go to hell...I took care of mom and dad for six years so the other siblings can step up ...I don't want to do it another who knows...how long....I have tried the power is in the presence and where does it get me... she's a narcissist and has no feelings except she wants everyone to "worship" her and wait on her...I am living a constant performance I am not telling the truth...I want to look at her and say Hey , Momma yo ....I cannot stand to look at you anymore and I am sick of cooking for y ou and I am not going to hold your hand into your casket. woo hoo mmm I am one angry woman...and the pathetic sisters and brothers....I never want to see them again....where is our threshold? Is my shadow about to devour me? Am I going thru a "mid life crisis" ///
well, that's enough for now...thank god for my worn out ruskan book.... It is ok for me to feel my feelings I am not a bad person because I cannot at this time..at this hour...today ...embrace my mother...I have tried to be the dutiful daughter too long.... maybe I'll just have to go around again....queendina The big question that only I can answer is ...do I put the white powder back in the system and let it go until she's in the grave and then let the fireworks out? somebody ..talk to me...I may call john but then he's got all the answers right there in the book....hmmmmm
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