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Hi Bj! I'm sorry you've been struggling so much with this illness and I do hope you're on the mend. Your CAM doesn't sound like a very compassionate person...more like she sees you as her personal piggy bank (trying to perpetuate your fear so you keep coming to her) than as someone she cares about and wants to help. Time for a change, I think! There are kind doctors out there. She shouldn't be telling you to cry your head off and punch a pillow! She shouldn't be scaring you like that and she's totally off-base telling you stuff like she did.
You and your onc and Marina and Nicki are absolutely right, in my opinion. The further out you get, the less chance of recurrence. After 10 years, it's time to move on and not worry about it so much, other than doing normal healthy things and getting routine checkups. Of course there is always a "chance" of recurrence just like there is a chance you'll get run over by a train or a chance you'll get rabies. But there's also a chance you'll live to be 110! We do need to be careful with our lifestyles but there's no need to constantly fret and live in fear. You should be celebrating your ten years as a huge success!
We hear about the sad cases where cancer comes back, but we don't always hear about the cases where someone completely recovers and goes on to live a happy, long life. I posted a while ago about a friend of mine who is now 27 years out from a double mastectomy. She's cheerful and active. I've always looked to her for inspiration.
At my last onc visit in Dec, my onc (who is a good one, from a comprehensive cancer center) basically released me. She said there's no need for me to keep coming back to her any more, unless I want to for my own reassurance. She said it would be fine to just have a normal doctor give me a checkup once a year. So obviously she doesn't think there's a big risk any more. In fact, she told me my risk is very small.
So I hope you can find a doctor who is compassionate and nice! Someone who will give you confidence and courage. I know you said you don't want to lose your CAM, but gee whiz, she shouldn't be making you upset like that!