Posted by Kat on 7/9/2007, 4:03 pm, in reply to "What to do with heirlooms" If I knew related items were on ebay I would definitely bid on them. How much could I afford to spend and would I even know they were on ebay is the pinch. If you really care about sharing the history with family a website or disk with scans of all photos and documents or a printed book if the family is large is a great way to share. I would definitely buy any publication a family member made....even if it was from their own computer. My maternal grandmother gave everything she kept to my adopted cousins and my eldest sister. My sister was told to split the "good china" with me. Instead she gave me the whole set with what I felt was reservations. Every year for 15 years I heard from her about that china and if I didn't want it to give it back to her, despite my telling her many times I was planing to pass it down to my daughter. The last time I heard about the @#$ china I boxed it all up and sent it back to her. When damage is done to living family relationships are these "things" really worth it? Yes it would be nice to hold and use an item my ancestors used but in the end these are just things. I can buy china identical to it on ebay. It is the information, documentation, letters and photos. The stories of the real people and lives and the everyday that are important to pass down. Maybe your cousins are not interested but who is to say their descendant's will not be. It might be that the best place for those items is in the historical museum of the town they had the most impact on, along with a written recollection of all the information you collected. Future researchers will look there. I discovered I'm eligible for the DAR. Something I have been looking for since I was in grade school. I would never have found this connection if it were not for a distant cousin who shared the information on the Internet freely. My ggg grandfather had three wives. Being descended from the first wife and son who sided with the north during the civil war we lost family connections. Court documents and family tree DNA helped us learn some of what was lost. If it weren't for others work I don't think I would have been able to find this information on my own. Many of us are just not as gifted in this type of research. I find it very confusing and intimidating. Ask yourself why you spent the time you did to learn all you know....was it all work put onto you or did you chose to do it because you enjoy it?
68.116.188.111
My personal opinion:
I would rather have the family items then a dvd or tv. I am the baby in my family and ended up with nothing. I did do some gen searching and found an older cousin who is deeply into it. She has my grandparents marriage certificate. I have no idea how she got it. I remember when my grandfather died. I was maybe 13yrs. We lived upstate from them and by the time Dad realized my grandmother had no memory left and was not able to care for herself, grandpa did it all and never told anyone, "family" and neighbors had gone thru the house and had taken what they wanted. The cousin I mentioned aboves grandmother was my grandfathers sister. She does not carry the family name as I and my brother and his son do. I wish she cared as much as you do about returning family items to family members. The only photos I have a scans. Nothing original. We have a few items from my husbands side for my children but nothing from my side. My parents are still living I am almost 50 and have no photos from my childhood despite my father taking lots of photos and home movies.
There can often be bad feelings between family that you are not aware of because of the perceived favoritism of you when it came to these items.
--Previous Message--
: I hope that this posting might start a
: discussion. For me it is a question of
: ethics.
:
: I was interested in history &
: genealogy from at least as early as age
: 7. Because of this, I knew & had
: talked to many of the older people in
: my mother's family. I ended up as the
: keeper of the heirlooms. They often
: gave me jewelry, photos, mementos, etc.
: rather than to their own grandchildren,
: whom they said would not appreciate the
: items or take care of them.
:
: I knew few of my cousins, most of whom
: were distant. I know even less of their
: children & grandchildren. None have
: been interested in genealogy or in
: making my acquaintance. Although, now
: that it seems to be something of a fad,
: I am getting requests for my work...
: not for documents, etc... just the
: compiled work or a family tree. In one
: case, I then found my work posted under
: a cousin's name on her website. Yet
: this person was not interested enough
: to study the material in order to be
: able to answer questions from other
: researchers. She didn't give them my
: name. Didn't know anyone else
: interested in the family. So the other
: researchers found me by accident w/o
: her help. That's how I found out about
: the website, but that's all another
: issue, yet enhances my fears.
:
: I have no children of my own, nor
: neices or nephews.
:
: My fears are that if I simply dole out
: these items, they will either end up on
: Ebay or in the trash or a yard sale
: & be totally disconnected from
: their own histories. Who they belonged
: to. Who that person was. Etc.
:
: Some may be valuable... some are
: worthless (like a 150 year old hank of
: hair that belonged to my gggm. I know
: her life. I know where she's buried. I
: know that she cut her hair on her 16th
: birthday. I know why she cut it. I have
: her photo.)
:
: I also have all the items that belonged
: to my great-uncle, who died in 1911 at
: the age of 18 mos. I have his little
: toys, his baby pins & ring, his
: photo, a lock of his hair. I have the
: note written by my grandfather for his
: obituary & I have the obit. I know
: that he was a very smart little boy. I
: know how & why he died. I'm the
: only remaining person who knows where
: he's buried in an unmarked grave.
:
: Would anyone else care?
:
: I've asked younger friends. Which would
: you rather have... a new DVD or this
: 1876 history book. Invariably it's the
: DVD.
:
: I had a friend who gave her daughter
: her own grandmother's 100+ year old set
: of English Rose china, as well as a few
: pices of stoneware that were much older
: & were believed to have come north
: with the family from Kentucky to
: Indiana around 1820. 6 mos. later it
: was all on Ebay. My friend was
: devastated when she found out, but it
: was already gone. In it's place her
: daughter had a big, new flatscreen TV.
:
: So, I guess my ethics question is: Is
: it better to sell it on Ebay or
: elsewhere oneself... with provenance
: intact... & hopefully see it go to
: someone who cares for it & who
: might be interested in its history,
: etc? Someone who realizes that the
: provenance enhances it's value.
:
: Or...
:
: Should one try to keep it in the
: family, even at the risk of having it
: pass to someone who sees it only as a
: commodity or as junk?
:
:
:
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