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Posted by taiwanliving on April 15, 2005, 8:18 am
My problems have compounded due to recent setbacks and "failures". I place it in quotations because I choose to dub them failures as I am not able to meet my goals towards personal success. Life has thrown me one too many curve balls and I have finally broke... I realize my ability to cope, seek options, brush myself off and try to move forward have seemingly disappeared. The ultimate thing for me to realize here is that "I am ok". I am not in dire fanancial straits, I am relatively healthy, got a fairly stable yet difficult relationship, and I am living abroad doing the occasional traveling. "So what's the problem?" I suppose I really can't say. To break it down at this time just seems insurmountable. On a whim I just completed over 10 on-line surveys for depression and they all listed me as severely depressed and that I should seek professional assistance. The interesting thing about living in Taiwan is: mental health issues are virtually non-existant and even regular health issues aren't dealt with in a way that North Americans are accustomed to (like actually having a doctor making an assessment and diagnosing you before prescribing a half dozen hard core drugs). I am not interested in seeking the "pill" route. But six years ago I was in the same boat and a doctor I sought tried to prescribe me prozac. So, I guess I'm wondering: am I* actually clinically depressed? Many of my friends and family have expressed serious concern over my state of well-being. I am tired, I feel trapped, I can't emotionally handle everyday problems; I can't make decisions easily and find it extremely difficult to concentrate (it's taking nearly an hour to write this already); I can't really sleep; I have gained quite a lot of weight in the past year (20lbs, after already being considered overweight by roughly 10 from my family GP).I can't shake it this time... it's dragged on for over two weeks of a sense of perpeptual despair, I do feel like a looser/failure, and I am out of solutions for my problem. Yet, other than my complaining and mood, you'd think I was doing quite ok. *sighs*, I don't know, I have submitted myself to therapy before, but they wanted to see me ongoing when i thought I was better nearly 4 years ago now, and they also charged an exhorbatant amount of $$$. I don't really know what to do, so I thought I'd give this a try.
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