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Posted by Tyler
on November 28, 2005, 1:40 am
Why am I addicted to shame and pain? There is a woman who knows about me. She takes advantage of me and it's now a vicious cycle. I get an E-mail and she reminds me of my past and why I'm a bad person. It started out with just her but this last year she has included her friend and that makes it much worse for me. I go along with it until I'm tied up and then I always change my mind but it's too late because she doesn't change hers. It's hard to believe that I would subconsciously like it because consciously I know that I hate it. It's basically torture. Who likes torture? What I mean is that sometimes a battery charger is hooked up to my genitals and rectum. It hurts so much I can hardly breathe. Sometimes candles are put under my genitals and up my anus. I get burns. I get swelling. I get temporarily sterlized. I think never again and I hold out for a couple of months and then comes a letter and if I'm depressed along with it then I find myself getting tied up again and regretting it. The thing is it is escalating. She's not satisfied unless she terrifies me. Last spring I got 8 raw eggs stuffed up my rear and then one broke and I had to go to the hospital. That is hard to explain. Last summer I had a lighted birthday candle put into my penis. I was told to pee it out. I couldn't. I should have gone to a doctor but I was too ashamed from before. Why I'm writing now is because last time she cut into my scrotum with a pair of scissors. She said that maybe next time she would deball me and see how tame I act. I don't want to be there again. I'm sure that she's crazy and it scared me all the more with friend encouraging her to "snip em off." I think we're all sick but it's me whose getting the worst of it. I need an idea, something that will make me not surrender myself to her the next time. I really don't want her to get that kind of satisfaction on me. Thank you. I'm sure you can see why it is difficult to go and see someone in person about this.
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