The Winona Ryder Message Board: OBIT: Sanford Farcus-"Winona's Best Boyfried"-Dies at 87

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OBIT: Sanford Farcus-"Winona's Best Boyfried"-Dies at 87

Posted by Big Daddy on August 4, 2002, 12:49 pm

THE FOLLOWING OBIT WAS READ TO MR. FARCUS BEFORE HIS DEATH LAST WEEK AT HIS REQUEST. NO ATTEMPT TO REACH THE RYDER ORGANIZATION OR THE CATHOLIC CHURCH FOR COMMENT HAS BEEN MADE. ALL 320 SEALED LETTERS WERE BURNED AT MR. FARCUS' STATED INSTRUCTIONS.
"Sanford Farcus, movie academic and self-described 'lover of beautiful women' has died. He was 87. In the tradition of Cable Hogue and P.T. Barnam, Mr. Farcus requested
three obits written for him and authorized this one..not becasue it was the most truthful, but because it made him laugh the most. Mr. Farcus was a long time visitor to this forum site, and could not make up his mind what was more entertaining;"All the love that people poured out when they cleaned up the place, or all the smacking out when it was a wide open town"
Mr. Farcus made it a point to see every Winona Ryder movie on the screen and for free. He would stride in to the area theatre and claim it was a "religous observence" and that Ms. Ryder had "spontaneously healed and re-generated his prostate". To this end, Mr. Farcus had, he said, initiated proceedings to have Ms. Ryder delcared a Catholic saint. When it was pointed out to him that Ms. Ryder was not of the Catholic faith, Mr. Farcus announced this could be arranged for a trade involving 'two first round draft choices'. No attempt was ever made to make Mr. Farcus pay and repeated offers on the part of Mr. Farcus to allow anyone to validate his claim of regeneratiion at any time were never taken up.
Mr. Farcus claimed to be a 'stud muffin' with the ladies and attributed his successs to a case of "Hi Karate" aftershave he purchased before the product was discontinued. Wearing his "lady killer outfit" of a string tie, white bucks, and brown plaid shirt, Farcus says he resisted unleashing "such a potent display" on Ms. Ryder, sacrificing, he said,"a honey of an affair" so that she might continue to act. Farcus believed Ms. Ryder would become the first woman to win the Oscar four times and placed a substantial amount of money in a bet-to be paid off if he loses.
Farcus claimed that because of staying away from Ms. Ryder he was her 'perfect boyfriend' as he would not be bugging her all the time or tracking mud into her bathroom. He would cry from the moment her face appeared on screen, and had written a substanial number of letters to her.
Farcus padded out his pension by babysitting area children and would create runs at the branch libraries when he would tell kids a long neglected story they would have to look up because he had "forgotten" the ending. At Hallowe'en he would show silent movies on his home projector backed up with his own musical stylings on the electric organ. Children who thought silent films couldn't scare them had to be walked home frequently after his performances, which usually included such fare as 'Phantom of the Opera', and 'The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari'.
His favorite greeting was always;"Shake hands with the man who shook hands with Lon Chaney."

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