Posted by Heidi/Mermie ing rid of some things, making necessary changes, and packing away some of the dust catchers. Try to eliminate as many high maintenance items as possible. Out of sight, out of mind. In the kitchen I was able to make a small sit-down work area and traded my heavy stoneware dishes for my daughter's lightweight CorrelleT dinnerware. I bought some large handle utility pieces and some fat wooden handled silverware. I put thick carpeting pads where I tend to stand the most, with the most-used items at easy-to-reach levels. It makes for a weird kitchen, but the benefits are great. I even had an 18" block made to set my clothes dryer on so I can load and unload without bending. For those of us who are overachievers, it is important to find ways to function without creating more pain for ourselves. We are independent by nature, and it is hard to ask others for help. Realizing you can't do it all may take some time. It is not an abuse to ask another for assistance. It's just another adjustment. While I am adjusting to my "new life", my husband is adjusting to his "new wife". Mind you, I didn't say new and improved, as they like to say in the TV commercials. He is now adjusting to things like the moaning sounds of ooohhh and ahhhh that I make when he rubs my back and neck or the way a light hug can be met with a scream loud enough to pop an eardrum. It is confusing for him when I say I hurt too badly to do anything without even a band-aid to show for it. It also takes a lot of control on his part not to laugh when early morning produces a wife who walks like a penguin then gets to the kitchen and can't find the coffee pot and complains that the toaster isn't working only to be shown it plainly isn't plugged in. What does one say to a wife who says Alice told her something or other today and leaves it up to her husband to figure out if Alice is someone he knows (although there may be a name mix-up) or one of those faceless people that his wife talks to on the fibromyalgia email hot lines. The big questions for him are "do I ask?" and "is it worth it"? With a wife who is no longer employed, there is no news about co-workers . They are gone as are many old friends who have fallen by the wayside . Computers bring many "invisible" friends and lots of email. It can be unnerving to know your once "normal" wife now mostly has friends she wouldn't recognize if she passed them on the street. Yet even more scary is the fact that they totally understand each other. They have a secret language that consists of initials: FMS, MPS, IBS, TMJ, BTW, and LOL. This new wife says the idea of a vacation makes her cringe. This strange woman who used to have a purse you could live out of now goes shopping with a little 4" x 5" thing with a cord on it. She says it contains all she needs to shop: money, credit cards, a few checks, mini-pen, her I.D., and a pain pill to make shopping possible. Now as a pair these two people are thinking of defining FMS. He is thinking "Frustrated Male Saga", and she "Forget My Security". Thus a trip to the Doubleday dictionary to define "Adjust": Change to make fit, put in proper order, position or relation, arrange. Accommodate oneself. Yep, that sounds like home to me. As a person with fibromyalgia, I have learned the rules of "play and pay". We have to weigh those chores, trips, and tasks at hand with "is it worth the pain I will pay with if I do it?". Sometimes it is yes, and at times it is no. I can say to you that when you are ready to accept your new lifestyle, you will have reached the point where you have grieved for your old life and then put it away. After that, some of the ruts will smooth out. Just remember very few people, if any, have a perfect lifestyle. Some are better than ours, and there are still those a lot worse. Hey, we are alive, we are not deformed, and we still have choices. If you have a phone, a computer, or even a pencil and paper, you don't need to be alone. You need and can have a friend, hopefully a "FMS Buddy"--one who can understand and accept you for what you are today. Social isolation is your worst enemy. Don't do it. Like you, I still don't know why we have this . I don't pretend to have the answers or imply life is great. I only say to you as an FMS Friend that the more you adjust, the easier it will become for you. Even with all of the information available today, the bottom line still is that they don't know why we have it; they haven't found a cure for it; not one treatment fits all; and there is no magic pill. While we all wait for the answers, remember to be kind to yourself. You are the only one who truly knows how you feel. Change what you can and adjust, adjust, adjust. Find some humor and above all know for sure that fibromyalgia is not forcing only you to adjust . Medical, pharmaceutical, research, therapy, insurance, government and even local and worldwide communities are having to find the time, information, resources and money to adjust to fibromyalgia. This "invisible, chronic illness" we have at least now has an accepted, recognizable name, and we can no longer be told it is in our heads and not our bodies. Remember, a little adjustment goes a long way with FMS! BY Marge Cheston ... WellnesstrainResearchGroup!M!
on 8/28/2007, 2:59 am
Adjustment can even be good. I decided to sit in each room of my home and look to see which items were causing me pain. This helped me to simplify life by gett
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