Posted by JESSICA
on 9/25/2003, 2:09 pm
65.77.136.204
> > > > > Letter to the dog
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Only Dog owners can really appreciate a letter
> > like this....but make
> > >sure
> > > > > all of you read all the way to the end. :-)
> > > > >
> > > > > Dear Dogs:
> > > > >
> > > > > When I say to move, it means go someplace else,
> > not switch positions
> > >with
> > > > > each other so there are still two dogs in the
> > way.
> > > > >
> > > > > The dishes with the paw print are yours and
> > contain your food. The other
> > > > > dishes are mine and contain my food. Please
> > note, placing a paw print in
> > > > > the
> > > > > middle of my plate and food does not stake a
> > claim for it becoming your
> > > > > food
> > > > > and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
> > pleasing in the slightest.
> > > > >
> > > > > The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is
> > not a racetrack. Beating
> > >me
> > > > > to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me
> > doesn't help, because I
> > >fall
> > > > > faster than you can run.
> > > > >
> > > > > I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size
> > bed. I am very sorry about
> > > > > this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on
> > the couch to ensure your
> > > > > comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they
> > can actually curl up in a
> > > > > ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular
> > to each other stretched
> > > > out
> > > > > to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
> > sticking tails straight
> > > > out
> > > > > and having tongues hanging out the other end to
> > maximize space used is
> > > > > nothing but doggy sarcasm.
> > > > > My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
> > > > >
> > > > > For the last time, there is not a secret exit
> > from the bathroom. If by
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > some miracle I beat you there and manage to get
> > the door shut, it is not
> > > > > necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob,
> > or get your paw under
> > >the
> > > > > edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
> > through the same door I
> > > > > entered. In addition, I have been using
> > bathrooms for years, canine
> > > > > attendance is not mandatory.
> > > > >
> > > > > The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the
> > other dogs butt. I cannot
> > > > > stress this enough. It would be such a simple
> > change for you.
> > > > >
> > > > > Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to
> > complain about our pets.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > 1. The dog lives here. You don't.
> > > > >
> > > > > 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes,
> > stay off the furniture.
> > > > >
> > > > > 3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most
> > people.
> > > > >
> > > > > he is like my child except he is hairy walks on
> > all fours and doesn't
> > > > speak
> > > > > clearly.
> > > > >
> > > > > 5. **Dogs are better than kids. They eat less,
> > don't ask for money all
> > >the
> > > > > time, are easier to train, usually come when
> > called, never drive your
> > >car,
> > > > > don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't
> > smoke or drink, don't
> > >worry
> > > > > about buying the latest fashions, don't wear
> > your clothes, don't need a
> > > > > gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
> > pregnant, you can sell
> > >the
> > > > > pups.
> > > > >
> > > > > The same applies to cats, except they ignore you
> > until you are asleep.
> > > > >
> > > > > Please pass this on to those who appreciate! the
> > humor (and truth). -
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