The Saga of Naked Bobby and the Tricycle
(A Poignant Tale of Love and Lust, Love Denied, the pangs of the thwarted three year old girls, their lifetime trauma
Ah, it’s so often been said that Iowa is one hard line state, and this tale of unbridled joy which was dashed to the ground by the Draconian laws of “The Stubborn State”, is perhaps the most vivid example of the suppression which was the result of Iowa Stubborn, a trait made forever known by Meredith Wilson, who wrote “The Music Man”, which the Iowa folks attempted to suppress, but were frustrated in that effort, allowing the world to know that:
“Oh, there’s nothing half way, about the Iowa way to greet you IF we greet you, which we may not do at all”
Growing up poor…but in a time when most everyone was in dire straits…Bobby (the nice) had but his old tricycle, seen here in the background, upon which he traveled about this hilltop overlooking Council Bluffs, Iowa.
Alas, this brought the well mannered and kind Bobby into the view of a number of three year old girls, whose hearts immediately were smitten, and, being tough as we all were in those days, and healthy from real food and having to walk……..or “trike” …everywhere we went, it also awakened that deep down womanly desire to outcompete the other girls and to assuage that mysterious “need” that seemed to drive them ………propel them, actually, into depths usually reserved for women of twenty……
And so it was that Bobby (the nice) was soon made the object of affection of a veritable passel of three year old girls, which of course led to the constant efforts to snare Bobby (the nice) for their own individual needs……….needs they did not understand, but were nevertheless driven to an amazing array of coquettish, coy, conniving actions, as can only exist in a gathering of females hell bent on conquest.
And so, innocent Bobby (the nice) was gradually led into that trap that every (nice) man must come to grips with, often for a lifetime……..the fine art of woman-tease which is inborn and honed to perfection by the age of 18 in many…..dare I say most? females.
The fateful day arrived just as Bobby (the nice) had finished his bath, when to his surprise and embarrassment, five of the most artful of the entrappers wiggled their way into his bath area and said, in that way that every (nice) man has dealt with, often until the age of 92, “If you can catch us, you may touch our place”
Innocent Bobby (the nice), thinking “the Place” to be some toy (years later, with a rather sardonic twist of the mouth, Bobby (the nice) was heard to say: “Little did I know that it was indeed the worst of toys, and the best of toys…, with apologies to Charles Dickens”)…….figured that with his tricycle he could easily out run the whole lot of them and perhaps touch several toys, so off he went, oblivious to the fact that he was stark naked…………..
Bobby (the nice) had scarcely gone a block, and was gaining (years later he realized that she was deliberately looking to be caught…….but by then many hurts and tears had come from the failure of men to know when they are being set up)…..on Esmerelda when out of the blue came the dreaded Iowa Draconians , the name given to the Child Police at that time.
Hauled into jail, after spending ten hours in the “stocks” which, Iowa being frugal, the state had purchased for pennies on the dollar from Salem , Massachusetts years before, Bobby (the nice) was brought before the bar of injustice and charged with violating the Iowa Statute 3345.23, subsection 6, which stated: “It shall be unlawful, and downright shameful, to chase women or girls under the age of 30, while naked on a tricycle”
Who knew?
The penalty was to be banished from Iowa, so Bobby (the nice) and his luckless Parents, the Precious Dorothy and the Irish Earl were marched across the bridge to Nebraska, as crowds hooted and hollered. One woman, remembering her own needs at age three, and the years of suppression, could not contain herself and yelled: “I know you’re innocent, Bobby the Nice”, whereupon her husband and three Draconians hauled her off to who knows what fate.
The din from the taunts was amplified to a near deafening roar as the group of three year old girls, especially Esmerelda, for her need had nearly been assuaged…….began to wail and caterwauler, much like cats on an alley fence…….throwing themselves to the ground, while their mothers, casting an envious eye toward little Bobby the Nice, nevertheless had to pretend to chastise their daughters, lest the Draconians have a field day.
So, to the steady Beat Beat Beat of the Tom Toms which were left over from the days of Indian councils (Iowa never wastes anything) , Bobby (the nice) and his wonderful parents, held their heads high and soon, while at first puzzled, realized that brass bands and cheering Nebraskans had prepared a welcome. There were balloons, flags, festooned banners, and mothers thrusting their three year old daughters to the front of the crowd.
Bobby (the nice) and his parents fell right into a march step as both the Stars and Stripes forever was struck up , leading directly into the Marine Corps March.
And so it was, that as Bobby (the nice) reached the crowd, a blond three year old girl winked and whispered: “I saw you first……and I have a real surprise for you……..just wait……….it will be worth it”
And so…….but wait! THAT is another true story…….actually, it IS a true story, which further cemented into Bobby (the nice’s) mind, that girls can be dangerous, and that a spanking from his Mom was the result.
Ah, Ginny, you with the holes in your underpants. Why did you invite me behind the shed to see that? Why did my Mom suspect something?
Rhetorical question , of course.
And Bobby (the nice) learned his lesson right up to age fourteen when Skeeter dared him to…….
To be continued, maybe
NOTE: This material is too advanced for Italian men, so be wary.
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