I don't get here daily (hourly?) as I used to, so a belated condolence to you.
Attached here is a Grief Wheel. We discovered this basically twenty one years ago when we reached that age when parents begin leaving for Heaven.
It was VERY VERY helpful, for even if a person is a well read and believing Christian, we MUST go through the process of grief, and it is indeed a process, like any other of life's processes.
What this helps with immensely, as you copy this and pin a "wheel" on the Fridge and your bathroom wall, is this: You will not feel as though you are going crazy as you see how one progresses in grief, and about the time you think you have moved a ways, in the middle of not even consciously thinking about your loss , tears will overwhelm you with no reason that your rational mind can fathom. Call it an oscillation factor. Seamus should like that word.
Also take note of a poem I wrote back in about '02 on this matter, when I sent this to Germany for a guy. I have sent this dozens of times, special Dottie, and it's always been a great help.
Haven't "one on one'd" with you for a long time, but in my heart, we original zoggites were and are a very very special bunch.
Lost track of Gunnar three years ago, but he's in my thoughts often, for we would answer posts with basically the identical answer, he with his Marine officer pragmatic style and me with my free flowing and humor style. It was remarkable how that happened day after day.
OH NO...can't copy/paste from My Documents!!
Well, if you care to send your email to me..get it from Zog...and I will send it with alacrity .
Maybe I can copy the poem......
Because Grief is so overwhelming and painful, it frightens us. We tend to worry if we are grieving in the “right” way and wonder if these strange happenings in our minds and bodies are “normal”.
MOST PEOPLE EXPERIENCE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING. IT'S “NORMAL”.
Feel “tightness” in the throat and “heaviness” in the chest
Have an empty hollow feeling in the stomach and lose appetite
Feel strangely guilty at times, often followed by swift ANGER.
Difficult to impossible some days to concentrate.
Denial big time. “It didn't happen”.
Sense loved one's presence...expect them to walk in the door, “hear” their voice and actually “see” their face sometimes
Wander aimlessly and forget what you were doing...can't finish things at all some days
Difficulty sleeping and dream of your loved one over and over
Assume mannerisms of your loved one.
Experience a deep preoccupation with your loved one's life.
Feel guilty or angry and things that didn't or did happen during the time with your loved one
Suddenly very angry at them for leaving you
Feel as though you should retreat in a shell rather than talk about your hurts, because you sense that others are uncomfortable and don't know how to help you.
Tell and re tell and tell again, the memories with your loved one
Suddenly start to cry.. MEN: THIS INCLUDES YOU AND HAD BETTER INCLUDE YOU IF YOU WANT TO RECOVER FULLY.
These are ALL “expected” things. Study the “GRIEF WHEEL “ to see how you can be going along, think you are better, and wham. You reverse course. Things you thought had been “put behind you” come back, then panic sets in because you are “going backwards”.
You are NOT, it's just a strategic retreat until you are stronger. Your body is trying to speak to you...(not really, but you know what I mean)
Slogan: A guy
Can cry
****************************************************************************************************
May you know peace
Whether Mom or sister or brother
The resulting grief ...we try to smother
However , it's a process, we must go through
Whether it's me, or whether it's you
For a man it's harder, for we are told
Just buck up, be a man, be bold
But that's a mistake, for we cannot "bottle"
those thoughts and symptoms that come, and throttle
Men or women pretend ....they don't have the fears
and don't need to take time, to shed the tears
So many's the person, including me
Who found himself sick, and far from free
of the things that will cause you to quiver
Or awake in the night with a shiver
So to my precious friends, I give
my hand and poems to help you live
Through the days and the nights ahead
That you may face them , without the dread
Of thinking that you are losing your mind
Because, Grief is a Process, this you will find
And I'm here as a friend
and by Email will send
A "Grief Wheel" to post so you'll read
and find to your peace that you need
This reminder of what Grief can do
and the feelings are normal, that you
face as the days become week
This "Wheel" you often will seek
And say: "Oh Oh, that happened to me
And over time, it will be
If you let the tears flow for release
The dammed up "strangeness " will cease
Bob Cadle: 2002
GOD bless you
GOD bless you always, Special Dottie
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