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Posted by Marlene on 1/2/2007, 8:46 am
24.92.36.211
My name is Marlene and I am a woman of many addictions, but my goal for today is abstinence and faith. Today was somewhat better than the last two weeks have been. I know that this journey is going to be a difficult one but I am prepared not for perfection, but rather for success. I am a woman who allows food to occupy my time and space in my brain. Food is much more difficult to overcome than alcohol because I need food to sustain life and there are no f2f OA meetings in my area. I do attend five f2f AA meetings weekly so I try to combine all my addictions into a twelve step program. My problem with my addictions are stopping the habit once I start it. I seem to be easier at starting rather than stopping though. My need to eat compulsively and drink alcoholically are just the symptoms to a much deeper problem and that problem is accepting me for who I am. I do not know how to be good to myself, since I feel I do not deserve to be happy. Why do I feel this way? I do not know the answer to this question but hope that I will find it soon, since it is the key that will open the door to abstinence. I need to discover who I am without fear….This is my goal for the new year.
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