Posted by mike on 8/6/2006, 8:03 am, in reply to "Emotions"
64.12.116.72

Dear Gina, None of us wanted the divorce. Was not our choice, just like it is not yours. If it was your choice then you would not be here. I never hated my X, I got angry at what she did , but never hated her. Like April says, if it is not in you, then you are not capable of it. Answers? Forget it. You say you have friendly conversations, but like you said they are "safe" chit chats. But I bet not once did he offer any information to help you understand so you could move on just like he has. That is because he is like a good politician, keeping you close enough in case he needs you. Again like Aprils says, just do not talk to him unless you have to! If you need to talk, find someone, but not him. There is nothing that he will say that will help you. Sure for the time you speak, it feels good. But like a drug, later on, not good, hard to break the habit if you go back for more. Sorry Gina, I know this is hard, but you can make it easier. Avoid some of our mistakes, that is why we are here! You have to move on mentally, the sooner the better. Do not wait for the divorce to move on mentally. You hang on to hope as we all did. But I tell you this, it is better for you to have the choice if you want him back rather then wait for him to decide. If he has the choice I guarantee you will be there with open arms, only for him to do it again and this whole mess starts all over again! Moving on, again like April says, you have to do things and feel out of place, part of the process. Remember for years you have been in your comfort zone with him, your family, your life. We all became dependent on this, and why not. That is why it is oh so hard! So now you have to learn to be happy without him. Can you do it? Of course you can. Do you have to learn how? Yes and it takes time and there is no formula, we are all different. Just try things, if that does not work ..try something else..and so on... You will succeed the more you try. It is trial and error. Success is obtained by how much you try. Failure is only obtained if you do not try. My thoughts and prayers with you, Gina, very sincerely....mike