Posted by April on 8/6/2006, 1:43 am, in reply to "Re: Emotions"
220.237.114.24

I know how you both feel too. At times I have felt angry with the stbx but it is hard to sustain that anger when you are not naturally an angry person. I feel exactly like you Gina, when I see the stbx it is all polite & friendly, its almost as if we are still together. He rings me and says he wants to come back. But then he gets "confused" and ends up leaving to go back to his bimbo. No more for me. I have had enough. It is very hard I know. It is also hard for friends and family to understand. They think we should hate these men, not talk to them etc. And we probably shouldn't. I know that I really do start to feel better when I don't see him so I have cut all ties again. I know that when you have children you cannot do this but keep contact to a minimum. IT REALLY HELPS. The facts only - e.g. see you on Sunday when you drop the children home, bye. That's it. It is almost impossible to let go when you are seeing them. They look like the husband/wife you once had but they are not. They don't care enough to take responsibility for what they have done or to try to fix it - too hard. They would rather start again. And really, in your heart, do you want someone who can treat you this badly? He would probably only do it again. When we allow them into our lives (when we still have not let go) via friendly meetings we are only hurting ourselves. They don't care. They can ease their guilt a little and then off they go. I don't understand how or why they can do what they do and maybe I never will. Do you really want him back after what he has done to you or are you scared to move on on your own? This is a really tough one. It is very scary thinking that we are alone and whether we will ever find someone again. But look at the others here. Many have found new partners who are much nicer than the originals so there is hope for us all. I have found that it helps to make a list of all of the things that stbx has done to me so that I can remind myself of who he has become. It helps when he tries to suck me in. I have been going out with friends and sometimes you do have to fake it. But eventually it will get easier. I went out today with friends and did not even think about him for a few hours which is a blessed relief. One day at a time. April