Posted by Gina on 8/5/2006, 6:33 pm
216.98.94.172

I feel like I'm a huge emotional wreck. It's now been almost 9 months since he left. I have been thru so many different emotions. Have filed for the big D but presently it's on hold due to the attorneys. Truth is, I really don't want this divorce. I can't imagine living without him for the rest of my life. So much has happened the past year I should hate him but for some reason I don't. I can't explain it. Everyone has told me the anger would hit and I would be able to hate him and move on with my life. It isn't happening like that though. It's the strangest thing, we still seem to be "friends". We've not fought or had arguments, but then again it's more just chit chat about current events or our children. I think that's how we got to be in the place we are. He would never talk to me about his feelings or what really matters. There is a part of me that knows that it's over for good..due to the fact he told me he didn't want to work it out and he's bought everything he needs for his apartment. But for some reason I have part of me that is holding on to something that isn't there. Somebody tell me how to let go of him. Let go of loving him and wanting him back. I'm in such a rut and I can't get out of it. I have tried going out with friends and "enjoying" life but i feel like I'm putting on a front and not being true to myself. Is there happiness after MLC? For me? He seems perfectly content. I'm told he's out with the guys all the time. He's living his youth all over again while I'm here feeling horrilbe. I hate it! There hasn't been any posts lately, everyone better but me?