Posted by Catherine Via: Crystal on 7/28/2006, 9:26 pm
66.242.194.41

Just wanted to add, I think anyone visiting here should read this post by Catherine. It is a good post and a much needed one. The forum is to help others with ideas or thoughts on how to make it through this. Thanks Catherine for getting the forum back on track! The "you go girl, love you" posts are not heartwarming to strangers you do not know, who have been badly hurt. You wouldn't walk up to a stranger on the street, face to face and say those type remarks. Moral support is needed, forming a cyber friendship is not. This forum is a crisis forum, and those here need your answers badly! Crystal === Responded to a post made by Kathy: "Why does he have to convince himself I am such a bad person? Why do I care what he thinks?" You have just hit on a very important point Kathy. You care because you used to trust, love, care for, etc. this person and try to please them. That person you knew is off in a MLC caring only for himself. I went through this thought process and it can get the best of you. You are not a bad person. Try not to focus on what he might think of you (and this is hard to do). Maybe he thinks bad of you to justify what he did--to make himself feel better about what he did. I have not figured that one out and have chosen to stop trying. There is an extremely important point I want to make. Don't let what he says or thinks affect how you think about yourself. I went to counselling and my lady said I came with all sorts of guilt of what had I done wrong. She said I had done nothing wrong and this MLC was about something going on within him. Abandoning our 29 year marriage and family for an OW was how he chose to fix him problem. You have to try to understand that it does you no good to CARE what they think. Focus instead of doing things that are a part of your personality--helping someone else, babysitting a friend's child, making a craft, fixing a leaky faucet, talking ot someone else who is having a hard time (me right now). In other words what interests you. If I had to go down this path, at least I can help someone further back on the path! You need to do these things to help you remember you are a good person with values and kindnesses. Otherwise you will get stuck in what he thinks. I did that and it served NO purpose. Take Care, Catherine ====