Posted by Paula on 7/24/2006, 11:54 am, in reply to "Re: What do you say?"
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Lorrie, This is hard watching your children's pain. I can say it adds much more to your stress than if you were just dealing with your own pain. Sometimes in my process I wished my X would be dead just to make it easier, but unfortunately, we are the sane ones in the picture. It is very hard to be forced to communicate without reaching out and hurting the person who is hurting your child, so do it in small doses. Break off your talks with him because you don't need your reactions to his behavior to be just one more justification for his own childish road he is walking. Only say what needs to be said and nothing more. Don't give him the anger you see he feeds off of. I used my anger to remodel my bedroom and then moved on to other rooms each time I needed it. I eventually ran out of money to do more, but my house looked better and it didn't feel like he was there any longer. I am lucky because my x moved out of state.. I thank God for that all the time. The lies will catch up to him and not everyone who hears them will believe them. I have a friend who was positive that the entire crowd her ex and her ran with were certain that she was some complete lunatic because of the lies they were told. It took 5 yrs, but one of them approached her recently and was so excited to see her that she was floored. The truth is, they miss her and want her to come back into their lives. Time heals so much and right now you are in the midst of the worst of things, it will slowly get better. Just take it one day at a time and go on. You have every right to defend your children.. It is a parents right, but try to make sure that the end result is not something that you will regret in the end. If you can't deal with it now, wait until you are ready. I find the calmer I say something, the stronger the impact I have, so choose your words wisely and say them in a calm collected manner. If you can't do that then say nothing. Good Luck, I am so sorry you are having this to deal with.. Paula