Posted by Paula on 7/23/2006, 9:53 pm, in reply to "What do you say?"
12.163.97.74

Lorrie, I have three sons ages 20, 21, & 24. From my experience, this is your time to grow closer to your boys, at ages 11 & 16 neither one of them is too young to understand what is happening. Talk to them the way you would talk to a person your own age. I don't mean pit them against their father, just be open and honest. Explain lovingly to them that you have no control over their father's actions and hope they always know you love them. They are old enough to ask their father his reasons for his actions, maybe that will shock him into answering. In my case, my xhusband moved 800 miles away and has come every year for 1 week and played devoted father during that time. Aside from a Christmas gift and possibly a birthday gift (if his girlfriend remembers), he has very little contact with them. Raising children cramps a cheating (MLC) man's style very much like it would if he were still 18 or so. Sad as this sounds, my three sons were much more mature than their own father during his last year living with me. Its hard to burst a child's bubble about their MLC parent so make sure that you allow them to make their own conclusions. My sons would try to place the blame on me, which I would be honest and say this may not be easy to hear, but I have no control over his behavior. The only person I can control is myself, so always know that I love you no matter what. I have control over myself, not him. Make sure that their communication is never gone and always be a sounding board for their pain. You can only offer yourself, so tell them like it is. I am sorry you have to do this, it is more difficult with children.. but your kids are old enough to understand. Good luck.. Paula