Posted by mike on 7/23/2006, 8:11 pm, in reply to "What do you say?"
64.12.116.72

Lorrie, My son was 12 at the time, had his bags packed and was ready to go with his mom and new boyfriend for a long weekend at the beach the first 4th of July after she left. The night before they were to leave, she called and actually told him he was not allowed to come, that this was her boyfriends only vacation and wanted to be alone! It was devastating to my boy and was the last incident of many disappointments. She actually expected her 12 year old boy to understand! The best we can do for our children in these situations is to listen and react to what they say. We have to let them vent. We cannot tell them things they may not want to hear, especially a teenager. However when they are ready to hear, we have to tell them the truth. And Lorrie, as frustrating as I know this is, try not to communicate with the X. Everytime I tried to communicate with my X, her new boyfriend would butt in and nothing good ever came out of it. Truth is these people do not care and want to place the blame on everyone else. There is no reasoning with them, so it just becomes even more frustrating trying to communicate with them. After butting heads a few times with the X and her new boyfriend, I realized that I had to get them out of the picture by not communicating with them. Also I did not allow them to disappoint the children anymore. It is much easier to say then do, but that is what I had to learn to do. And for me that was very hard because I am a fighter. But what was best for my children, was what I had to do. I know how hard you try and how frustrated you are. You react similar to the way I did at first, so it is easy for me to relate. This is just another huge obstacle they throw at us. Lorrie, keep focusing your passion on your children and as you have been doing and do not waste a single drop on your X or his girlfiend. You have been doing a super job and your boys are seeing that! Sincerely....mike