Posted by Kerry via: Crystal on 6/27/2006, 5:59 pm
66.242.194.17

Kerry, I reposted your answer here, so anyone could benefit from it. You had posted this to Gina, but I think it can help others going through this. So removed the specific name, and your closing signature, since both men and women read this forum; helps to keep the end sentiment more open for either sex. Thanks for this post, Crystal ==== What do you don't see is you are getting through this. Slowly but surely, you are doing it. Yes it hurts when he walks out that door, your heart is where it should be, his heart, well that was left behind when he walked out the door! your emotions are so out of whack its like being a two headed monster, not sure which way you are going to swing next! Think of what you can do today (change your room around, think about a new colour of paint, think of what you can do today not tomorrow or the next day or next year, but what you can do today. Even if you think of something for 5 minutes, that will be 5 minutes less you are thinking of him! What we all have to go through is like a addiction, most of these mid-lifers were apart of our lifes for so long! we have to go through the withdrawels, that alone is hard! but minute by minute we get through it we dont see it but we do. As for the X coming into your home, that is where you have become stuck, he comes in wipes his feet and leaves you to clean the mess up. Maybe you could come up with a meeting place and drop off, for the children. I was stuck for a year because I let the x walk in when he felt like it, just so l could keep things normal for my son!( and for me) But looking back now it wasn't healthy for my sons or I. I was so stuck, things needed to be changed, I drew boundries, found a meeting place for visits, and slowly but surely took back control off me! I became unstuck, stopped letting him wipe his feet and walk away. As for revenge, yes we have all been there too and at the begining we have all hoped that they would feel our pain! Will they regret ( you bet they will ) but they wont tell you that. Are they really happy? nope nope nope But they won't tell you that either! There will never be a answer for what they did, we all try hard to find out what went wrong, nothing went wrong on our side of the marriage! I like to think of it as "The home we lived in got a leak in the roof and instead of the mlcers getting up there to repair the leak, they tore the whole lot down and put up a new roof." Put this thought in to your head... When the x leaves, and you feel yourself going to break in two, just stop and say to yourself: why am l going to cry for someone who is not crying about me! Life will get better, it does take time, and time is the killer that is when we need to fill those times with things we could do. Thinking of you Kerry