Posted by Mike on 6/27/2006, 4:53 pm, in reply to "Re: Help, You were so right"
66.242.194.7

It takes a lot to want to face the reality of something that was never suppose to happen. The nicer you are, ther more they take advantage, the more trusting you are, the easier to deceive. The more you love and care the more you do not want to see. That happened to all of us! My X took me" for the ride" for about a year and a half, who knows maybe more. She had seen a couple of men before settling on the one she finally admitted to. I did not find out about the other men until years later! When it was happening, nothing would have convinced me otherwise except if I caught her. It is called love and trust. I thought she was depressed, unhappy, and it was my job as a husband to help her. However, believe it or not, there is a little relief after finding out. Now there is a reason for his actions and moods. You no longer have to guess, you finally know what is going on. Now you can stop guessing and start healing. It is time to think about Kathy! Now it is up to you to say NO MORE to this lieing, cheating, manipulating person. Sure you still love him the way he was, not what he has been doing for the last year or so, like April says You cannot turn it on and off like a faucet, like he did. We are sorry this had to happen Kathy. You are in our thoughts. Mike === It is not a disease or sickness despite what some "professionals" want to name it. They twist this behavior into an excuse for bad choices. You, me ,I would have to guess that pretty much everyone has been "depressed" at one time or another. Growing older,sure that can get you really down. That is when you seek the support of the number one person in your life, your spouse, the BEST friend that you have ever had. When they do not seek our help, they have made the first of many, many bad choices. My X, your husband and the spouses of many others that post here made choices that lead them down a road that got them so lost, they could NEVER find their way back! Yes the body is the same, but what is inside, not the person you grew to love and he is NOT coming back. Just as time will heal your wounds, bad choices over a course of time has destroyed the man you loved. Kathy, I really hate to make a statement like that because I know it hurts so, so much. But worse then that hurt, is the hurt that you have had for the past year and would continue to feel if you never found out the truth. Like you, and many others, I needed that smoking gun, the proof, it was over. Now you have it, now you MUST let go and start to heal. You were not in denial, you were a loyal and dedicated wife wanting to understand her husband, giving him the benefit of many, many doubts. God bless you for that!! His parents reaction to all this, again their choice and expect anything. Hopefully they will see it for what it is. My X did not call her parents for a long time and that is because of the guilt. They know what they are doing is terribly wrong. But...they do it anyway and will stop for no one! Kathy I know you want answers and this makes no sense, still makes no sense to me after 14 plus years. There are some tough times ahead, have to tell you that. Mike