Posted by Kay on 6/3/2006, 9:59 am, in reply to "Shaking all over"
162.27.9.20

Hi Kathy, I'm going on 5 months since my soon to be ex husband suddenly announced that he didn't love me like he used to and didn't want to be married any more. The first 3-4 weeks I was in shock and wanted to die. And your right about things just hitting you in the gut. I could be in a store and just glance at something that would remind me of him or our life and it was a physical pain. And when people talk about a broken heart - I now know that there is a real physical feeling to that. At 7-8 weeks it was the tiniest bit better but as you know, that isn't saying much. You will start to get into the angry phase but my therapist says that you can be in your grief and angry stage at the same time. The couple pieces of advice that I got from posts here that helped me a lot are 1. The first 100 days are the toughest. I can tell you that you will make it to 5 months and since that is where I am now, I can tell you that I do have some good days. I still cry a lot but I have been amazed at the people that have been so supportive and there for me. I am surprised that I can handle going forward when I think of how I felt in the beginning. So please just pat yourself on the back for any little progress you make. Tom posted once that even one less tear a day was progress and at the end of each day I just try to find one thing that I did well, that was a little bit of progress that I can congratulate myself for. The second thing that you've already been reading here is to keep busy. I made sure - especially on the weekends - to have plans for as much of the day as I could. It will help you keep your mind off of him. I made plans with people I would not normally have been spending time with but my motivation was survival. I don't know if this is possible for you but I joined a gym which I like having as a fall back. Even if I just walk on the treadmill and read a magazine and don't talk to anyone, I'm surrounded by people and that has been helpful to me. Like everyone else here - you will get through this. Hang in there and take one day at a time. This stinks and isn't fair - what an understatement....You're in my thoughts and prayers.