Posted by Jocky Wilson on February 2, 2009, 5:29 pm, in reply to "Re: Anyone for a fry up?"
86.155.221.245
Och Aye, a bit of Jazz here's some for yeee
EIGHT WAY SEX PLAY
When four well hung studs meet four big titted chicks, the permutations are incalculable. It's everyone's ultimate fantasy, as the guys and girls do it in every possible (and some impossible!) position including sandwich, 'A' and 'O'. This is the hardest film we've ever seen, but due to heavy re-editing for legal reasons, it's unlikely to be the hardest you've ever seen. Shot in the seventies on super 8 and recently transferred to video by projecting it onto a warehouse door, the whole sorry four minutes is accompanied by the sound of the projector turning over and somebody reversing a van outside. Just as something vaguely sexy starts to happen, the film sticks and melts before your very eyes. Deeply dreadful. Price £27.95.
--Previous Message--
: Thought the thread was "Asomvel for a fry
: up"
:
: No doubt the lads would like one anyway,
: though I have heard that Lenny character
: likes a custard cream or two.
:
: Anyway, great post Englebert - cheers mate.
: How about a guide to where to get the best
: discount jazz mags?
:
: --Previous Message--
: Many people will have noticed the current
: lack
: of good old British Working Man's Cafes. A
: decline in the British way of life itself.
: Gone has the humble, ye olde cafe, only to
: be replaced by trendy cafés (note the
: foreign accent) featuring salads and red
: wine on their menus.
:
:
:
: And if it's not them it's these bleedin'
: Sandwich Bars: £2 for a roll that's full of
: rabbit food! A fat bird behind the counter
: with peroxide hair and tacky gold chains
: dangling from her neck as she serves you is
: obligatory. She will always squeeze your
: slices as she puts them into the bag, just
: to ensure a bit of mayonnaise squirts out
: onto her finger, so the gluttonous cow can
: wop her index finger into her mouth like a
: dart hitting a bullseye. The sandwiches will
: be filled with salad, as she's scoffed most
: of the meat whilst slicing it up earlier;
: the "Oohh... just a little slither of
: this beef won't ruin my diet" scenario
: is repeated a hundred times, effectively
: culling a herd of cattle in a morning and
: leaving nothing but gristle for the punters'
: baps.
:
:
:
: We can also point the greasy spoon of woe at
: the fast food burger chains. The term
: "fast food" derives not from the
: speedy service but from how quickly the
: alleged burger vanishes into water as soon
: as it hits your tongue. This is why they put
: those horrible green things on top of the
: burger: it delays how fast this junk
: disappears, as you spend ten minutes fishing
: the thing out, taking far longer than it
: takes to eat the burger itself.
:
: And if you get a soft drink, they fill the
: carton up with half of Mont Blanc. I
: honestly thought they was doing a promotion
: for the Titanic movie when I recently bought
: one.
:
: And all this crap now rules the roost on the
: pre-evening meal front in this country.
:
: Youth are now often oblivious to what a good
: old 'George Best and Rosey' is (Bacon, Egg,
: Sausage, Tomato and Tea). The Great British
: Breakfast in Full Monty is what our heritage
: and stomachs demand. Bacon, egg, sausage,
: beans, mushrooms, black pudding, fried slice
: with two of toast and a mug of tea, all
: floating in a sea of grease. (For foreign
: readers: black pudding is a recipe of pig's
: blood, sheep's brains and goat's bollocks,
: with a dash of eye of newt and wing of bat,
: all rolled into a burger-type format. It is
: absolutely vile, but everyone pretends they
: love it for some odd reason.)
:
: Transport Cafes are as much a British
: institution as the food itself. The
: proprietor is always called Jim or George
: and he defies gravity with the amount of
: dirt under his fingernails, defies logic
: with his bullshit over football and politics
: (no-one argues as they don't want him to
: spit in their food) and defies accusations
: of witchcraft by making sure that no-one is
: looking when he picks fried eggs out of the
: pan with his fingers.
:
:
:
: Seated in a Great British Traditional
: Working Man's Cafe will always be an old man
: with a Sainsbury's carrier bag, an
: electrician whose big mouth everyone wants
: to thump and, most importantly of all, where
: else but in the cafe will you find telecom,
: gas or council workers? If you had an
: emergency, rain or shine, eight hours a day,
: you will find them there
:
: Thus, we are not only gradually losing our
: heathen diet, but also a secure community
: meeting place. We must defend and save what
: few essentially British things we have left.
:
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