This week I was given the sad news that a close friend of mine passed away who was an important part of my life.
I find myself thinking selfish thoughts about this of how much I will be affected by her death. I can’t help but ponder the hole I will have in my life now, and have to face the fact that this is the first of many looses I will suffer. It reminds me of the Star Trek Next Gen episode where Tasha Yar is killed. At the service Data notes that, he was not thinking about Tasha, but how empty it will be without her. He asks if he missed the point of the service, but Picard assures him that he understood it completely.
As I approach my 50th year here on earth I wonder about my health, the health of my kids and wife. I wonder about the health of my friends who are also getting older. I wonder much longer we will be able to meet up and share our love and closeness. I know that one by one we will fade away and our life flames will be extinguished, as we leave this life and continue on. This fact gnaws at me more and more each day as I watch my kids enter high school, as I look in the mirror and see gray hair, as I experience growing old.
Some part of me wants to go back in time and stay young forever, to a time my kids were little and had no worries like what high school courses to take. But then I would miss out on wonderful things like watching my children grow up, get married and have families of their own. I know I am not suppose to selfish and need to move on in my life, not deny my kids the same pleasures I have had. I can one day look forward to grandchildren running around calling grand dad sharky !!
As we all get older, we all must face loss in our life, its part of human nature. Do we have to like it, no but we have to accept it. The only thing that keeps us going is the bond we have with loved ones left behind to share our grief and ponder what to do with the new emptiness in our life.
I am asking that you, my friends continue to be part of my life. That you grow old with me watching as our candles continue to fade and grow dim together. When our time comes and our candle light finally dies, those left should not be sad for the ones gone. They should celebrate the relationship they had and not forget the wonderful times. They will need to hold the memories fresh and new, for as long as you have these memories that person is really never gone.
Sharky
*Dedicated to my Friend who now rests with god. I will miss her greatly*
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